Dear Tamara, as I can see you are so gentle and sensitive, but forced to pretend strong. The reason of fear that haunts you is a lack of confidence since you are still young. When you feel dark, enjoy in darkness, when you feel happy show it to the world. I can see only sunshine in your future life, so do nоt overthink, just be yourself end embrace with gratitude whatever you may find in the future. Please, forgive me, for this words, maybe I sound boring, but I sincerely wish to put big smile on your face all day long not only during dusk or dawn, every part of the day is magnificent.