Is there room for blame in an empowered mindset?

Part 3 of the Fear is Fun series will be up soon, but in the meantime, I took a little jog through the concepts of blame and empowerment, thanks to a timely post from @dragonanarchist and an associated comment : https://steemit.com/steemit/@dragonanarchist/steemians-are-you-empowered-or-entitled

I was struck by the phrase “rightfully blame” in the response from @suprepachyderm. Is there such a thing as “rightful blame” in an empowered mindset/a mindset of taking responsibility for my life and my life experiences?

I used to say things like:

“It makes me feel sad when you don’t _______”

or

“It makes me mad that you _______.”

Silliness. Such silliness.

“It” (whatever was said or done by the other party) can’t make me do anything! “It” has no bearing on my worthiness, my ability to create new situations, or my ability to feel good. “It” is irrelevant to my journey down the path I’m carving out for myself, except in the sense of helping me to clarify and then hold attention on what I prefer.

For me, “blame” has a connotation of condemnation and victim-mentality tendency (bad things always happen to me; why me; poor me).

For instance:

You did or said X, so I’m justified in feeling angry/worried/vengeful/overwhelmed, etc.

In other words:

It’s your fault/you are responsible for how I feel in response to you saying or doing X.

I cringe even typing those words! Neither of those statements is pro-empowerment because neither is accurate or based in truth.

Truth

First, I am responsible for the choices I made that put me in the path of said challenge.

Second, no person or situation can determine how I feel; I determine how I feel, and I refuse to give that power to anyone or anything. I choose the emotions I experience, and I choose how long I experience them. A situation cannot force me to feel happy or sad any more or any less than another person can force me to feel happy or sad.

I'm reminded of story problems/word problems in math class as a kid where there’d be a little story like:

“Jane has 657 apples. Carl wants to buy 328 apples at $0.09 per apple. Yolanda wants 442 apples and will pay $0.06 per apple. Jane doesn’t have enough apples to fill both orders, and neither Carl nor Yolanda wants a partially filled order. Jane can only sell the apples to Carl or Yolanda and wants to make as much cash today as possible. With whom should she do business?”

I wouldn’t read that problem and think, wow, what an asshole that Yolanda is for low-balling Jane. Jane should be really offended that Yolanda doesn’t want to pay more per apple. Jane worked hard to grow those apples. If Yolanda would pay more, Jane could sell more apples and make more money. Instead, I just took the information and calculated the options and then offered the most financially lucrative decision.

That is my point. It doesn't matter if Yolanda is or isn't an asshole. It matters that Jane makes the best decision given the parameters she's looking at. Jane can choose to be offended if she wants, but no one can make her feel that way. Similarly, when we encounter people or situations, we can choose to focus on the information available—on the facts—or we can think about them in ways that perpetuate the unpleasantness.

I can prefer that people treat me the way I'd like to be treated. I can prefer that all of my possessions are safe and sound all of the time. I can prefer that when I drive somewhere, every driver is courteous and I hit every green light. But my happiness and ability to know that I am the creator of my reality are not contingent on those or any other conditions being met. Those conditions, when they occur, amplify my happiness and add to my positive momentum, but they are not the source of my happiness.

Taking Responsibility is Important

To clarify: me taking responsibility for my actions and thoughts is important. Yes, it is nice when other people take responsibility for their actions and thoughts, but I can’t control that; therefore, I’m not going to let someone else not taking responsibility be an excuse for me to be unhappy/dissatisfied.

I cannot be empowered/aligned with my higher self and see myself as a victim simultaneously.

For instance, if someone crashes into my parked car and totals it, he or she is responsible for not controlling his/her vehicle and causing damage to mine. If I were in his or her shoes, I would take responsibility for the consequences of that action by repairing/replacing the vehicle. If a person isn’t able or willing to do that, it is what it is. It is not a reason for me to go around feeling like a victim, dwelling on my perceived “misfortunes,” as that isn’t going to get my car fixed or replaced and it’s really not fun to do that.

Ultimately, I am responsible for choosing to park the car where I parked it. I chose to stop for groceries on my way home and my normal parking spot was taken when I got home, so I parked in an alternative spot, and that is where the crash occurred. No matter the circumstance, I am responsible for physically maneuvering my vehicle into the space I chose.

I also have a choice about how I am going to feel in every moment, so I’m going to consciously choose to feel good about temporarily not having my vehicle at my disposal. I am going to ask a friend for a ride to work and have a great time hanging out as we go from point A to point B. Or I’ll take public transportation and appreciate the fact that it exists and I can take a nap or read a book while I’m being driven to my destination. Maybe I’ll sit next to someone on the bus whose uncle is selling the exact car I’ve been wanting at a great price. At any rate, I’m going to appreciate the opportunity to look for a new car—one that is going to be even better for me than the one that got totaled. I know it’s going to be fun to see how my life changes as a result of the situation I’ve just experienced.

That, to me, is the difference between the entitled and empowered life: knowing that out of one experience, I’m going to create many more experiences; knowing that the more I align with my empowered mindset/higher self, the more fun all of those experiences are going to be; knowing that life is as good or not good as I decide I want it to be.

No person or situation is EVER worth cutting myself off from my higher self—which is what happens when blame and the victim-mentality enter the picture.