Spying Or Parenting?
A controversial state-sponsored program in West Virginia is looking to teach parents how to get closer with their kids...by spying on them.
Parents who have been taking advantage of the program, have had the opportunity to be taught how to snoop through a mock bedroom of a teenage boy and girl.
Organizers with the program are teaching the parents how to look for supposed evidence that might point to concerns for something like substance abuse, self-harm, any eating disorders, or possible violence etc.
Some parents have already criticized the program, suggesting that it violates the privacy of the child and contributes to an erosion of trust between the parents and children.
According to one member with the WV State Police, they see the snooping as an opportunity for parents to foster an open dialogue with their children.
If the children unexpectedly finds out that their parents have gone looking through their room, it can easily violate the trust that's already been established between the two.
However, parents are often the ones who pay for the rent of that bedroom and they are likely the ones who funded the items that fill the bedroom, so they can feel as if they have a right to go looking through whatever they want in the name of safety. However, if they gave that property to their child as a gift, doesn't it then become the property of the child and then mean he has a right not to have it invaded?
Trust can easily be broken and once it has been, it can take quite a while to try and repair. There are many parents today who struggle with that thin line of wanting to protect their children and trying to balance that with respecting their privacy.
Pics:
Pixabay
Sources:
http://www.wdtv.com/content/news/Parents-learn-more-their-kids-safety-in-Hidden-in-Plain-Sight-481199801.html
http://www.wboy.com/news/marion/program-educates-parents-on-how-to-effectively-snoop-on-their-children/1150589723
https://www.fatherly.com/news/west-virginia-program-teaches-parents-effectively-spy-kids/
http://theconversation.com/spying-on-your-kids-phone-with-teensafe-will-only-undermine-trust-40385
https://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2016/08/05/online-safety_n_11353338.html
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/06/well/family/is-snooping-on-teenagers-ever-ok.html
https://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/personal/2014/09/17/teens-parents-tracking-apps-security-mamabear-teensafe/15716335/
Parents have to lead by example, not spying and coercion!!
I can't think of anything more vile than the police state trying to brainwash parents into using Gestapo-style tactics on their kids. Fuck these pigs!
in the first place we could prevent our children from doing bad things just by providing him/her some kind of educational books and hands on, don't put you children in a room like a prison, the parents must have time to their children to bond together; like going to a park or have some camping in the forest, don't expose your children into violent video games, movies and etc. and potential bad influence friends at your neighbors.
Good parents should be well aware of their children's activities and possessions but I do not believe the state should be involved at all.
YESS!!! So true. Kids learn through osmosis and mainly by observing the parent's behavior. So words only go so far. If we can become better role models for our kids starting when they're young, we'll have less trouble on our hands later on.
One of the peaceful parenting podcasters that my fiancé and I listen to mentions frequently that if our child is acting up, not to look at him and his action but us and our actions. I couldn't agree more. I believe that some of personality is inherent but they are partially blank slates so to speak and learn that behavior somewhere. When they're little, it's either us or a handful of family members that watch him while we work.
Just asking - do you have to claim Pixabay as a source to use their pics? I thought it was all CC0, so it'd be interesting if you were just returning the favor by promoting them.
Definitely spying and bad parenting. A child who is taught authority figures can violate their space and personal boundaries is an adult who will accept many other kinds of abuses by those they perceive as powerful. Self respect and love begins with being able to hold your personal space and establish your boundaries. My two cents... FYI, this shouldn't be tagged philosophy I don't think.
there are various parenting philosophies 👍 figured it wasn't too far off😂
you can use pixabay images without giving credit, but i've always just cited it so folks know where the images are coming from👍 😊
In one of Stephan Molyneux's videos (probably bomb in the brain series) he sums this up as, "its already too late".
In other words, you need to SNOOP on your children to know what they are doing? The only reason for this is that you neglected parenting at a younger age. You did not develop your relation with your child. There is no trust, there is only a wall. And you do not know your child well enough to notice their mood swings. If they are taking drugs or cutting, it is obvious, if you know the person.
Further, the parents who have children that would take drugs or cut, or any other self medication, than those parents aren't going to be able to do anything to help. They are THE PROBLEM. They created this. Usually through early childhood trauma. And so, the parents not only do not care, they could not care. They are most likely in denial, and probably a closet alcoholic to boot... just like them.
A well raised child comes from a home where drugs were talked about. What their effects are. The child is told the consequences, and since the child has been given more responsibilities as they matured, then they are given this responsibility. They also know that they can talk to their parents about this, because they already have.
I agree that if you as a parent feel that you need to snoop on your children then it's a strong warning sign that you have failed to build your parenthood on a reciprocal relationship with trust. It's travesty that a lot of parents does not work on emotionally connecting and understanding their children and by genuine care showcasing that they are fully available to have an adult conversation about whatever a child is going through.
BUT, I do not agree that a parent shall feel that their parenthood are completely doomed after a certain age. I believe that you can actually very potently work on your empathy and creating a caring and open climate even when the child is nearing adulthood. I actually believe the absolute majority of confused parents care about their children but aren't enough congruent with themselves and their situation to facilitate that care in the best way. So, in a way I believe that even if parents can be to blame for a shitty family-situation I still believe in the potential for the development for a solid growth-climate in every stage of development. But snooping is the fucking anti-thesis for this climate to happen.
Yes, the parent may suddenly clean themselves up and clear the trauma that caused them to drink (or whatnot) and then help their children to clear the trauma they inflicted at an earlier age.
Its a million to one shot, but it can happen.
But, you and i do not share the same view of the situation.
There is no, we can start working this out.
It is a, i am sorry your entire life is destroyed (like a vase, shattered) and you do not have to tools to even begin repairing it.
People do not do drugs, alcohol or cut themselves out of nowhere.
All of these people are hurting so much inside that the cutting either doesn't hurt, or shows them that they can still feel pain.
This comes from deep childhood trauma.
And since the parent caused the trauma, they will never recognize the trauma. They are in it. Like a fish trying to understand water.
In fact, most psychologists won't even recognize the trauma.
Most just think the person needs someone to talk to who won't judge them.
So, of what i was speaking of, is not a "we have to make up for lost time" thing, it is a we have to go back and heal the fractures, and then learn the lessons we missed.
Okay, I understand now that we come from completely different places. You seem to talk about some almost metaphysical rampant trauma, THE trauma that is poisoning or culture and are to blame for our extensive alcohol-culture. Is that true or am I reading too much into your comment?
You are closer, however, i am speaking of a very real, very pervasive underlying condition to addictions.
CPTSD - complex post traumatic stress disorder.
This trauma usually happens pre-verbal, and so its sufferers have emotional flashbacks. They weren't old enough to remember things and language, so what comes up is only emotion.
It is not proven, but so many of the people with addictions to drugs, alcohol and cutting have this CPTSD. And the parent / environment caused it. And since the parent caused it, the parent can't see it. The parent can't fix it. The parent would first have to see it in themselves, go and learn how to heal it, and then come back and help the child.
It isn't a case of trying a little harder, or starting to build trust.
Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A GUIDE AND MAP FOR RECOVERING FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA - by Pete Walker
I feel i should also link The Bomb in the Brain series
The Bomb in the Brain Series - by Stephan Molyneux
Man, that is some heavy stuff you are proposing there. I sure will look into it as it sounds very interesting. I also have a old friend of mine deeply moved by the ideas of Stephan Molyneux so have been meaning to look into him for a while now.
For the record though, it sounds dangerously close to the orthodox Freudian idea that all kinds of neuroses can be derived from childhood sexual assault, which I find a little fishy. But hey, haven't looked into CPTSD yet so I this might be more legitimate
This time I do not agree with the use of cameras to spy on our children, it is a violation of the privacy of children or young people, if a parent has to come to this, it is something wrong has been done in the process of criaza
Thank you very much dear friend @doitvoluntarily for sharing this news
It surely lowers the bar to snoop in the real bedroom. After all, now they know what to look for, I'm sure enough parents would make that curious enough to take a look even though they weren't suspicious before. The authorities just have to add that it's a common sign to appear tired when high - something happening often enough to teenagers who are perfectly ok otherwise.
Well, I guess the kids will thank their intrusive parents with evasive strategies. But it's disturbing enough that there seems to be no limit in spying anymore..
sir very nice blog..
Ever since 911 we have had a snow ball effect of big brother surveillance in America. I suppose that was the only way they could bring in the Orwellian big brother world. And in exchange we give up privacy. Thanks @doitvoluntarily