The Indecision Trap
Today I wanted to discuss the inherent flaws I find with indecision and offer my perspective on it. It feels like it's very easy to choose between something we want and don't want, but it's slightly harder to choose between two things we do want. The real problems that I see are the ones that arise when we're forced to choose between two things we don't agree with. I feel that we can also find ourselves stuck in a place of indecision and that is, from my perspective, based on a fear of the unknown. I do have a generally fatalist outlook on life, but I'll try to cover these problems from both a fatalistic and non fatalistic standpoint.
Choosing between two things we want or don't want generally forces us into a "grayer" way of thinking. When we finally realize that we have to make a choice that we don't want to make or it will be made for us, it can be paralyzing, because we can get stuck on the "what ifs" between the two choices. Perhaps I would prefer this outcome and there is no going back once I make a choice. The problem I find is that life presents itself as a serious of these recurring issues and they come in patterns. Should I leave my job and follow my passions? Should I stay in a job I hate because I'm financially comfortable? Why can't I have it all? Well perhaps you can and it's really all about changing your expectations and assumptions about what that looks like.
Let's say for example, I want to write for a living and I don't know if I can support myself doing it. I can think of all of the reasons why society tells me that leaving a comfortable job that pays the bills to pursue something I'm passionate about is a bad idea. The problem is when I let society or other's dictate my own beliefs about reality to the point that I am afraid to live the life that I want. So I find an easy way to get over a fear of the unknown is to look at what I do know. If I am unhappy working the "financially comfortable" job and I know that I won't be happy doing it, then what is the worst case scenario? What am I really sacrificing? I don't feel that sacrificing something I know I don't want for a risk of something I may not want with a chance of something I do want is much of a risk. So why bother fearing the unknown if we know that we don't want what we already have?
My personal perspective is that of a fatalist, so I feel that indecision isn't really much of a problem for me anymore, but it doesn't mean that I don't still have those moments of hesitation. I tend to spend more time trying to remove assumptions and expectations around why certain outcomes are more or less desired. In my mind, no matter what I choose or if I choose to make no choice and let it be made for me, that whatever is going to happen is going to happen regardless. The question is all about why do I feel I want a certain outcome more than another and are my expectations and assumptions realistic? I find the less attached we are to the outcome, the easier it is to just accept whatever outcome it is that we ultimately get to and make peace with it. However you choose to look at life that, it's clear that indecision is a decision in itself, so there is no way to avoid those moments of being forced to make a choice that we aren't comfortable with. Namaste.
Thank you for the thoughtful post. I enjoyed your post and think that your point is valuable. I personally feel comfortable living in the grey areas of life. I have friends that need to fit in and conform. I personally think that following the inner voice that is whispering to make change in ones life is the correct messenger to listen to. Change is scary as you so well pointed out, especially when one is comfortable and the basic needs are being met. I have put myself into extreme situations in my life, for example when I was 25 I sold or gave away all my belongings, quit my job and hitchhiked around America for 3 years. I am now 42 and have 3 kids so my days of extreme choices are over but I don't regret putting everything on the line to follow my inner voice.
I'm sure you had some unforgettable experiences doing that too. Thanks for sharing!
I really did! I have a travel and adventure spirit deep inside that needs to get out every year or two.
Seriously one of the best posts I've read in a long time. It's funny how fear of the unknown and fear that we are taught can take us down an unhappy experience on this earth unless we wake up. You're brilliant plain and simple, thank you 💜
I feel that once we get past fear of the unknown or have an easier time with it, it's so much easier to let go of things that don't serve us. Jobs, people, even desires etc. It's a very "detached" feeling, but I think it just allows us to choose where to place healthy attachment.
Sometimes, I try to find a third or fourth solution or aspect if the first 2 don't suit my needs.
When it comes to deciding things that will affect my future in a mroe career type way, like choosing a podcast hosting site, I try to ask for guidance, I search, I go with my intuition.
Where I block is when it has to do with myself, decisiont hat will impact me personally. Sometimes I take schleranthus, a Bach flower remedy, to help with the indecision. It's easier when ti's a question of what project do I work on today, rather than which house do we buy to live in for the nest 20 years or more?
Intuition guides me, I have tools to help when I'm undecided. I get more undecided by mundane things now rather than important things, the important things I can find the answers fairly quickly. I give it the time it needs.
You are absolutely right, when you choose to linger in your indecision, you are choosing to do nothing about that which you are undecided about and do something else or remain in that indecision. Which creates other options than the ones you were debating about, which moves the energy, which pulls you out of indecision, even if you are still undecided about two things.
Agree, and i think another problem, and an even more fundamental one, is that most of us can say in 2 seconds all the things that we don't want, but have a much harder time picking the things that we do want, because we are aware that you cant be an astronaut, an actor, a hippie wanderer and a world renowned scientist all at once. Knowing what you want requires a compromise on almost everything else, and that is already a challenge for a lot of people. Also fatalist hi-five from an aspiring nihilist :P
The great mysteries of life. :)
I love how your posts make me reconsider my own choices. ❤
Be careful, drastically changing the course of your entire life is right around the corner. :) <3
Oh, I dabble in indecisiveness. Call me Ms. Grey Matter. Or not. You decide. 😂😊🔥
I would totally decide for you, but I don't believe it would change anything. :P
Did I ever mention that I love upvoting to bookmark posts?
Decision paralysis gets the best of everyone, especially when choosing between the lesser of two evils. You speak knowledge in saying that not knowing what happens after the outcome of a choice is what drives us into fear.
It will take me some time to feign off my attachments more, and hopefully peace of mind will await me. Are you taking a page from buddhism's eight fold path by any chance?
With love,
@shello
I like Buddhism as a philosophy, but I don't align with anything as a religion. I feel like religion just further segregates and manipulates people. Focusing on philosophy lets me take the ideas that I like from different religions and kind of form my own self religion in a way. :)
Ah, the philosopher route! I can kind of see what you mean... By adopting a religion, you are in a way segregating yourself from other beliefs you may better align with. To be inspired by other philosophies, but not shun the rest away.
Thank you for such a prompt reply, much appreciated c: