A New Mother’s Confession: I’m back!

Hi everyone here’s me again back to steemit (again). I once had a hiatus for over a year when I got pregnant and this is what I wrote back then. Now that my baby’s already one year old, I decided to move back to Cebu City and eventually found my way back to blogging. Allow me to share with you everyone what was I up to during those times I wasn’t around on this platform.

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There were a lot of things that had happened since my last blog (2019). For starters, I gave birth to a healthy baby girl and now she’s one year old and 2 months to be exact. As stated in my previous blog, I had a terrible morning sickness during the early stages of my pregnancy. I thought that was it. I thought there wouldn’t be anything that could be worse than that. But I was wrong. Giving birth was scary and difficult already compared to what I was whining before about morning sickness but being a new mother was a whole new level of challenge. I found myself smiling then laughing and not long after the chuckles are tears running down my eyes. I thought I was losing my mind. Motherhood made me unravel the side of me that I never thought ever existed before.

_{If my baby’s asleep, chores keep me awake.}

Sleep deprivation was never new to me. But during the first two months after giving birth, I thought I’d be dead the next hour of staying awake. I unleashed the superhero in me and I wasn’t even prepared for it. Mothers are truly amazing in every way. They give the kind of sacrifices that is as unconditional as their love.

_{From time to time, my sister takes me out for fresh air. And that made me survive.}

My days were short and my nights were long during the first six months of being a new mother. I couldn’t almost finish the tasks in the morning - laundry, and taking care of both my baby and me. I didn’t have a job but staying at home was even harder than those sleepless nights I spent at the construction site before. I used “lampin” and cloth diapers at first because I was firm at fulfilling my goal to save money and save mother earth. But I eventually gave up. And I am still quite disappointed by that. I was unable to bear the struggle of cloth diapering my baby given that I was the only one taking care of her since my husband went back to work and I and our baby were left in Bohol.

_{Washing lampins with bare hand is no joke.}

Choosing to move forward with the disposable diaper didn’t hurt our budget but when our daughter started to eat solids and I had to introduce various of fruits and vegetables, that’s when I started to realize that raising a child and wanting her to be healthy is quite a challenge - physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially.

It was on her 8th month that I decided to contact one of my bestfriends in Cebu for a vacant position. Luckily, she answered me with a firm yes. I was happy to finally go back to work and be able to save money for my daughter’s future but I was sad as I had to leave her behind and let my parents take care of her while I’m away. Weeks before I left, I was struggling really hard. I’d cry a river while my daughter’s asleep and thought to myself I should just turn down the opportunity. But there’s this part of me which wants to endure the pain and longing for a better future. And so I ended up leaving her.

I didn’t pack my things until the very day I was leaving because I continued being not fully decided even on the day of my departure. It was the most heartbreaking moment in my entire life so far. My baby was smiling while she was in my arms the whole time in the car on our way to the sea port of Tagbilaran City. My heart keeps tearing apart for every chuckle I hear from my child. Now I understand the pain every parent has to endure when they had to leave home in the hopes of a brighter tomorrow for their families. And you have to have a lot of courage and love in your heart to be able to take these kind of decisions. I was not even going that far. I was just going to work in Cebu City and that’s just a two-hour trip away from Bohol. But still, I couldn’t help but be heartbroken.

I closed my eyes during the entire trip trying not to bawl. There was this choking feeling I felt in my chest the entire time and it didn’t fade away until I saw my husband waiting for me when I arrived at Pier Uno of Cebu City. Finally, a person I can rely on that would understand the pain I was feeling.

Few hours after, I met with my two best friends one of which was the one who recommended me to her workplace. I decided to spend the night with my best friends as I had to do so many things the day after and my husband had to go back to Balamban early for work also. But the fact that these people got my back made me quite at ease. I just promised myself that on my baby’s first birthday, I had to be there with her and if God would bless me, I want to come back in Cebu with my baby. I looked forward to each day with that promise engraved in my heart.

Three months passed by so swiftly that God graciously blessed me with so much that I never thought I was deserving for. In just three months, I and my husband were able to save some money to finally get our baby and also we were able to get our own condo unit.

God indeed blessed me with so much. Not just the things I mentioned but he blessed me with good health, and good people to rely on. The journey that I’ve had so far is neither the easiest nor the hardest but it was just perfect for me to gain experience and lesson while still enjoying life despite of the challenges along the way.

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Let me take this opportunity to thank ate Jean (@junebride) for helping me get back on track for my blogging career. She’s been cheering me up and helping me out with the rest of the platforms that seems to be as interesting as steemit. Please check her out here!

This has been @nikkabomb saying, “Well, every end of challenge is a start of new challenges. Cheers to what’s coming next.”