Remembering my little brother

I dreamed about my little brother last night.

He was wearing a white t-shirt and was somewhat thinner than he was in real life. He was smiling and happy, and he gave me his cell phone, an old Blackberry. I tried to explain to him that these phones are obsolete now, but he insisted I take it and make sure it was given to my nephew. The whole time he was smiling so hard, like he was trying not to laugh. His skin looked really good, he was healthy. His eyes were startlingly blue, even more blue than they were when he was alive. He was just bubbling with life, and it was wonderful, but when I woke up, he was still dead.

My brother was killed in a motorcycle accident almost six years ago. He had just turned 26 years old and had three beautiful children. He was ridiculously funny and made everyone laugh just with his presence. He was also incredibly kind and went out of his way to care for not only his family but everyone he met. He used to let homeless people sleep in the back of his semi truck, things like that.

On September 18, 2012, my brother was riding his motorcycle home from work and a teenager turned left in front of him. My brother hit his passenger side and died almost instantly from three fatal injuries - an open head injury, a broken neck, and a ruptured aorta. He wasn't wearing a helmet and a helmet wouldn't have saved him.

We went down to the accident scene after hearing about it on the news. By the time we got there, it was dark and they had taken his body away. There were still many emergency vehicles with their lights on. We sat in the grass a few hundred feet from where he was killed and some of us cried. I didn't cry. I was in shock that my sidekick was gone.

I have a lot to say about my brother's death but it exhausts me to exhume those memories.

Rather I'd like to remember laughing irreverently during the Easter prayer, shooting army guys with bb guns, blowing up matchbox cars with black powder, riding our mopeds down an old grassy road, eating pears off gnarled trees, getting lost in Granny's Woods, hiking around in the forest with pockets full of moonpies and pepsi.

I miss my little brother a whole lot.