revelations, February

Someone so close to the art of imagery surely knows that appearance and reality can conflict. The real issue remains that I kept a façade to portray a falsehood, out of fear – fear that I would face judgment and scorn. Funny, as church would be the last place one would expect such treatment.

Truth is, I felt like I had to put on airs that I lived a certain way, because that was the expectation. I didn’t want others to know that I struggled, made mistakes, or that all was not well to me. In this manner, I did what no aspiring photographer should do; I doctored my image. There was no improvement, only a discontent with the result and a vain attempt to salvage it. I’m certain much of what was shared did not come to my aid, as I was living a lie to show I did not need it.

I am past measuring my life against a religious ruler and feel comfortable sharing my vulnerability. The teachings and testimonies have a different quality, now that I do not hide myself. Perhaps, this honesty existed before, yet I numbed the sensation, much like a portraitist might delete a digital image he does not fancy. Gladly, I can say many things take new meaning in my life, as I follow and find personal revelation.