Rules of Fair Fighting Part 1 // Peace Academy Curriculum
Rules of Fair Fighting Part 1
Having some rules and guidelines can help us to be fair when trying to resolve conflict in a peaceful manner.
Listen and Don’t Interrupt
This is often difficult to do when we are feeling upset and heated.
Using a timer can help. Take turns speaking and allow 1 or 2 minutes for each person to have their say.
Do your best to really listen to the other person instead of just thinking about what you want to say next!
No Yelling
Yelling only escalates the situation. Yelling over each other accomplishes nothing as neither person is actually listening to one another. If only one person is yelling then the person on the receiving end will only respond in a defensive manner. The goal in conflict resolution is de-escalation. If you find your anger reaching levels where yelling could be a result then it’s time to take a break and cool off!
No Insults
Degrading language is disrespectful and will only escalate the situation. Insults lead to both parties attacking each other’s character instead of actually working on resolving the issue. Focus on discussing the issue instead of attacking the person.
Examine and Resolve One Issue at a Time
Sometimes conflicts get out of control and you end up arguing about everything that someone has ever done wrong!
Other times there may actually be multiple issues that need to be dealt with.
Either way, it’s important to focus on one issue at a time and work on resolving it before moving on to the next issue.
Don’t Engage in Stonewalling
Taking a break to cool down is a good technique, but don’t shut down and refuse to communicate altogether out of anger.
Stonewalling is purposely refusing to speak as a way to hurt the other person. It only makes things worse and causes whatever issues that need to be worked on harder to resolve in the long run.
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Great advice Dude.
Having been in management for 30 years I find your thoughts to be dead on, conflict resolution is indeed an art. Too many people take a management role and feel they can bully, cajole or browbeat people into submission. Listening to all sides is the key and finding common ground. It works exactly the same outside the workplace also. Show respect and never raise your voice. I spent quite a few years in Asia and in many countries raising your voice when bartering, arguing or negociating is a sign of weakness and disrespect.
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This would be nice, and I try to do this, but...
it takes two to tango. And, when the other side has intentions that are not inline with coming to a mutual understanding, then ... what do you do?
Many times the wife/girlfriend will start an argument. And, it often has nothing to do with what they are arguing over. So, even if you listened very intently, and were very sincere about finding a mutual resolution, you couldn't, because they aren't upset over what they brought up.
And so, the above is great, but I run into too many situations where I am not dealing with a rational, sane, resolution seeking person.
I think anger management is crucial for peaceful conflict resolution. One of the important reason why conflict gets heated is the flooding of past baggage. @aggroed to avoid personal conflict baggage it is very important to have routinely
interventions when you share space. Express your feeling when there are doubts.
Not insulting is a great rule to follow. When an argument devolves into insults it makes you look silly, and it's really difficult to take harsh words back. Hard to remember these rules when you're seeing red. but good ones to keep in mind!
THERE ARE NO RULES! FIGHT TO THE DEATH!
LOL jk :)very nice tactics and a nice share. There are topics we need to take lessons. Thank you for your great ideas
Great and thoughtful.
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