BoyCOTt

Yesterday I set up the camp cot as an experiment and out of pure desperation. And they looked pretty stoked. I felt optimistic. Hah! Little schemers!

My girls are not sleeping and as we cosleep this obviously means no sleep for mommy either. I'm going on nearly a week now and feel like I'm losing my shit. I have tried patting, singing, bouncing, ignoring, separating them, and now this cot on whose mesh I can currently hear Astryd raking her tiny claws. I can feel a twitching in my temples as I grind my teeth trying to ignore it. I refuse to get up again.
She's also making this long whining noise which is driving me up the wall. Alyce is bizarrely quiet after squawking earlier on....and we've been doing this for an hour this time round. I even got up and left to make myself coffee.

At first I checked the time then fed them on schedule and even that didn't put them to sleep because whilst feeding Alyce, Astryd was still clawing the cot mesh and making a noise which kept causing Alyce to whip her head around. And whilst Astryd was feeding, Alyce decided to make all sorts of noises. I now have a case of niplash on top of my severe sleep deprivation. You singleton baby moms don't know how good you have it. I love my girls but right now I'd give my left boob to just have one.

So now I don't know what to do. Clearly this cot has not worked either. It's given me perhaps an extra hour of solid sleep, other than that it's been more of a pain in my back, bending over to pat bums and hum or having to get up every five fucking minutes to replace a dummy or move the twins so they can't grab and grate the mesh of the cot. It's also not a huge cot so Astryd had her feet all up in Alyce's face just now, but what can I do. We're in the process of moving. I don't even have a set home right now and it's still over a week until my partner joins us.

I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that sleep deprivation is used as torture in some countries and that you can lose your mind. It's no joke. I've been here before to an extent but this right now is sending me round the bend. I'm not even religious but right now I'm praying that whatever this is ends soon.