Should You Insist That Your Kids Do Something out of Politeness? Suppressing Their Intuition!

in #parenting7 years ago (edited)

Growing up I was always taught to be respectful of everybody and everything. To be polite.

This meant manners

And I thank my parents for giving me great grounding by teaching me this and insisting that I use manners.

So of course, I have taught my son to use them too.

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Saying please and thank you and acknowledging someone else with you're welcome or saying hello are all respectful, but where do you draw the line?

Many families like to hug and kiss hello and goodbye. And of course this is seen as having nice manners if you belong to a family that does this, but what if your child just really doesn't want to do it? Or what if it is just a certain person or people that they don't want to hug?

Makes for an awkward moment for those of us who are programmed to do it any way

But should you make them hug someone if they really don't want to? Should a child be made to adhere to societal or family correctness, if they are clearly against doing so?

I would probably have thought the answer to these questions was yes, before I became a Mum.

But consider this?

I believe that children are far more energetically connected than many of us are as adults. Their intuition or "sixth sense" alerts them to danger and can give guidance when they make decisions.

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Many children are highly aware of the needs and feelings of friends, parents, siblings, and pets and may tune into an unspoken conflict, or tell someone to "be careful" before a situation arises.

So what happens if we constantly make our kids go against these feelings? Against their intuition?

Intuitive children who are taught to constantly suppress their intuition may often suffer from reduced self-esteem, self-doubt, difficulty in decision-making and with interpersonal boundaries, as adults. When a child stops listening to his of her intuition, they are more likely to do what other people want of them–even at the expense of their own health, boundaries, and better judgment.

Also consider that making a child show affection when they don't want to, may impact their sexual relationships as adults, because it may be teaching them to use their body to please others.

I still believe manners, politeness, respectfulness and gratefulness are important attributes to teach our children. I think society as a whole would benefit from the next generations being taught these, but perhaps we need to be careful about when we enforce these principles with our kids.

So the next time your child really doesn't want to get up close and personal or interact with someone, consider that they know better than we do in that particular situation and don't enforce societal politeness on them. It may actually be detrimental to their health.

Thanks for stopping by and reading my post.
Please feel free to leave me a comment or question and I will try to interact with them all

Hugs

Kylie

Reference
http://www.more4kids.info/699/childrens-intuition/
https://www.popsugar.com.au/love/Why-Your-Child-Should-Never-Forced-Hug-Relative-43704597?utm_medium=redirect&utm_campaign=US:AU&utm_source=www.google.com.au

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I like to think of hugs and kisses as affection rather than manners bearing in mind that it isn't common in lots of cultures. Yes, i agree with you children do have sixth sense and if they're forced to hug someone or not reject a hug if they feel unconfortable that could potentially be dangerous if they come across a pervert in future aa they dont think its wrong

@livinguktaiwan I completely agree, in our household hugs and kisses are definitely affection, however I have been in certain circumstances where they are not and just expected. Thank you for your comment. Great to connect with someone of like mind. I look forward to reading your posts

I model manners, and I coach, but I don't insist. I have found that in my approach, I have a young man with great manners! He hears me say and use things with him and others, and he absorbs it and uses it all on his own. The other day, I didn't even mean to, but I cut in front of someone. My little guy yells out, "Excuse us!" for me. HA! That showed me he is always, always watching!

Yes @thesimplelife I agree, they are always watching and listening. Modelling behaviour is so important in my opinion. But funny when you get caught out on it :)

Oh my gosh...no kidding! I had to start giving my dog commands with pleases and thank you's because the oldest started talking to people that way. They are so funny and smart! So now people look at me strange when I say to my dog, "Gus, sit down please. Thank you!"

He he....Love it. So funny...and yes smart. Not sure how I feel when I get outsmarted by a 3 year old on occasion. But wouldn't have it any other way!

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