Having your kids back!
On parenting
In sixth form at around the age of 18 (drinking age in South Africa) I was with 3 other friends on our way from a party to another party but bizarrely passing near to my parents’ house. The driver was a rather serious Afrikaans chap who wasn’t about to go around drinking and driving after having just got his licence, but the rest of us were enjoying a six pack of beers. (I believe even an open container in the car was illegal in South Africa but we were young and stupid). About 100m from our house was an awkward intersection and the driver failed to stop at a poorly designed stop and we ended up ploughing through and hitting another car. The usual action movie sequence occurred, everything slowed down and I remember going forward with the force of the accident, the window shattering to my left and glass showering into the vehicle. Fortunately no one was hurt in our or the other car. We exited the vehicle and I followed by the other rear occupant ran down the road to home and chucked the beer into the bushes on the way. Gasping for breath I rang the doorbell and my father came to the door. He could see that I was a little flushed from inebriation, running and adrenaline! My words tumbled out of my mouth about what had happened and it was at that stage I suddenly realised it was actually quite late at night and my father was in his dressing gown! There was a moment when I expected him to get quite angry and it was with huge relief that he did what every father should do in the situation.
He said “Right”, turned inside and got changed in about 1 minute and followed us back to the accident scene. He was the supportive adult that I needed at that point. Normal human behaviour would have been to shout or question what I was doing, but he was far more liberated than that. It was a great moment! At the accident scene there were some bystanders saying that all of us had been drinking and it was out fault (which it was) but it was nice to have my dad there behind us. Talking to the cops and ensuring the message that got through was that the driver had not been drinking!
So when your kid is in trouble there are times when as a parent you want to probably default to the standard human response of anger usually driven from fear. If they wanted morality they would go to a priest. What they want is to know you have their back and are on their side. This is also true whenever you get involved with the school and you are called in for some issue! Remember the school is on the prosecution, whilst your kids rely on you to be their defence….even if they are guilty!