Raising Future Adults

I'll admit, having an 11-year-old is a lot of fun. The hormones haven't kicked in fully yet, and her brain has surpassed the black and white simplicity of early childhood.

I like the discussions we have.

Recently, this morning actually, the issue of her cello practice came up again. It began with a note on my computer...

Her juries (testing for advancement in her cello class) are this week and today is the last one. She wanted to be woken up early so she could practice. And considering she has done little or no practice all semester, it was sorely needed.

I did as she asked, and after we read a chapter in a book (I read to her each weekday morning) she began to practice.

It sounded terrible!

I got out a piece of notepaper and took some notes so that I didn't forget any of them. After she had wound her way through the piece she was struggling on, I asked her...

"How many pieces do you typically practice at school?"

"About two to four, plus two sets of scales."

I nodded, "Okay. Do you like going to Harmony Project, Emily?" This is the free music program here in our neighborhood. She even gets the cello loaned to her at zero cost to us. (sometimes living in the 'hood has its advantages!)

"Yes, but I think I want to change from the cello to something else."

I asked her why and she gave me one b.s. excuse and one reasonable one.

"Are you satisfied with your performance when playing the cello?"

And she was amazingly honest, "Sometimes I think I do very well, but other times not so much. On some of the harder parts, I fake it, but that's only because my friends know the pieces better, one on one at the juries, they can tell I'm not doing well."

At this point, tears began to gather in her eyes.

"And why do you think that is?" I asked her.

"I'm not practicing like I should."

"Do you think if you practiced more that you would get better?"

"Yes!"

"Well, I agree. I think that is an accurate assessment and an honest one. And so let's talk a moment about when you could practice. Because I see two potential time frames that would work - either getting up at 6:30 instead of seven, or right after you get home from school. And because my days vary, afternoons might be kind of iffy."

She nodded, "I think doing it in the morning makes sense."

We created a plan to have her wake up at 6:30 each school day morning and practice, Monday through Friday. She agreed that, if school was in session, she should be practicing, and I promised her that I would send an email to Carmen (the director of Harmony Project) telling her of our plans. She sighed with relief.

"And one last thing, Em, I think that if you were to walk away from the cello now, in the situation it now stands in, it would feel like failure. I don't want you to feel like a failure. Let's fix this problem, get you back up to speed, and if in the fall you want to change to a different instrument, I feel that would be a good time to change."

She nodded, hugged me, and thanked me.

What I particularly liked about the entire discussion was that I wasn't guilting her, admonishing her in any way, and that she was the one stating the problem and solution. I simply served to frame the solution into something workable for both of us.

Parenting can be so frustrating at times, and so rewarding in others.

Christine Shuck is a writer, artist, and general malcontent living in Kansas City, Missouri. She has written six books, five of which are published on Amazon. You can learn more about her by signing up for her newsletter, visiting her author website or one of her blogs:

The Deadly Nightshade - covers diy, sustainability, gardening, cooking, crafts, community and more

The Learning Advocate - touches on parenting, education and more

The Cottages - focuses on our renovations of two bungalows in Historic Northeast Kansas City and their future as Airbnb properties

She’s written six books, five of which are currently on Amazon:
Gliese 581: The Departure – A sci-fi thriller
War’s End: The Storm – A dystopian tale about the Second American Civil War in the day after tomorrow
War’s End: A Brave New World – The sequel to War’s End: The Storm
The War on Drugs: An Old Wives Tale – Part memoir, part call to action on ending the War on Drugs in America
Get Organized, Stay Organized – down-to-earth advice on how our lives became so cluttered, and how we can change