Chapter One

Chapter One: Welcome-The Mommy Years Spectacular (Yes, another parent blog)

You know, I’ve been contemplating on a doing a blog for a long while. The one thing I know how to do well is write. Well, you maybe don’t know as we are perfect strangers! First, I would like to dive into a little bit about myself to provide some context. I must warn you to not skip over or you will be incredibly lost and you will get my stamp of disapproval. Let’s begin!

I was born in Salt Lake City, Utah. As like a lot of people, I felt like I was born in the wrong place because the cold makes me bitter. However, I really enjoy hot drinks but you didn’t really need to know that and I’ve probably already lost your attention. Focus! I’m currently 25 years old and I have 3 kids. My first kid is my step-child and she is 10 years old. My second (technically my first) is almost 6 years old in January and my baby is 13 months old. I work a full-time job, go to school online and maintain my household. For all of you who are wondering, I’m majoring in Psychology. I think it’s a needed field especially after 4 years working for a credit card company. Now, you see, my history is complex so that will come out more when it’s relevant in later blogs. Also note, not all my blogs will be parenting blogs. There are times I like to run off on tangents about the universe and aliens. Moving on…

By now, you’re probably wondering what this blog is really about. This blog in particular focuses on my life as a mother. To make sure it was understood, my life is complex. It seems like each chapter I endure is very unique. The biggest chapter of my life started when Kara was born. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was staring at the pregnancy test so disappointed because I didn’t see the second line. I was 18 and most people my age would be relieved. Nope, instead I stared at the TV feeling complete distraught that it wasn’t positive. After a minute, I knew that I just needed to check again. I went and I dug the test out of the trash and held it up the light. I was determined to see a second line because my life was missing something/somebody. I was in a shit show of a relationship, my parents didn’t talk to me and I was just about to graduate from High School. I lived with my boyfriend at the time because my dad was so abusive that I couldn’t take it anymore. Well, it turns out I went from one abuser to another. That second line on that test meant more to me than it does to some. For me, it meant a new beginning, a purpose and a new desire to live. The guy I was with at the time kept telling me he didn’t see that line. I could see it. If I held it just right, it was there. Mind you, I pee’d on the stick as soon as I got it so it wasn’t the first pee or whatever. I told myself this is happening and I was pregnant. The next morning, I grabbed the second stick and pee’d on it and realized a half hour later that it was upside down and that is why the line didn’t show. I flipped it over and clear as day that line could not be disputed. I was so fucking scared. I was like, what the hell did I just do. So, what does every girl do when they find out they’re pregnant? E-mail their mother asking for the name of their doctor. As you may know by now, this shit just got real. Thus, the chapter was first created. Well, I got my thoughts in gear and applied for Medicaid and I had a job so that was good. I was a CNA for almost four years before I quit. I had to go to Planned Parenthood to get a confirmation that I was indeed, pregnant. I took my then boyfriend with me and when the lady came in and said “Well, it looks like you’re pregnant. What do you want to do about it?” That moment is when my then boyfriend was hit with a box of rocks. Holy shit, she is really pregnant and didn’t just fake the test. I wouldn’t do that anyway but I was obsessed with it for a minute even though I wasn’t trying to get pregnant. The next significant moment I need to point out is the moment I told my best friend. Well, we’ve been friends going on 13 years now and she’s attended both my children’s birth. The only thing I can is she was very excited. I also knew I was having a girl and had a name picked out before she was even conceived so Brooke was like, “I’m so excited to meet Kara!” That’s pretty much it so we can jump ahead to about 6 weeks pregnant. I can’t remember exactly but I either just graduated high school or I was in the process of graduating but I remember when I was six weeks along. The gas in my apartment had just been turned off and I was not prepared for how sick I was going to get. I was puking it seemed like every other minute. I was dealing with bed bugs, cock roaches, no gas and now to add to it, I was INCREDIBLY sick. The whole pregnancy with Kara I had only gained 18 pounds but I lost 10 the first trimester. At six weeks is when everything started taking a turn for the worst. We didn’t really have food so the only time I got to eat is when I would eat the leftover food at work. They were so good about feeding me but I would go home to nothing and the days I had off were brutal. The fights between my then boyfriend started to get worse and worse. Before I was pregnant, there were times he would punch me in the back of the head, pull my hair, the works. Skipping to eight weeks along, my boyfriend and I had a really bad fight that resulted in our neighbors calling the cops. This is the part of the story where I tell you guys when I got in trouble for domestic violence. As you know, we didn’t have heat in our house which resulted in cold ass showers or baths. Therefore, we had to use our two working burners, oven and coffee pot to heat up water. It took about a good two hours before you could successfully fill a bath tub. Well, that particular night, that’s what I did. I wanted to take a bath with warm water. He and I were in a pretty intense fight so as I was taking a bath we were arguing. When I got out, let out the water, he took a huge 64 ounce cup of Mountain Dew and poured it on my head. I wasn’t attempting to hurt him but I did go to the sink and attempt to pour cold water on him. He wouldn’t let me turn on the faucet so I bit him but I didn’t leave a mark. Now kids, violence is never the answer. However, when the cops got called, it’s because our neighbors heard a large bang followed by screaming. At eight weeks pregnant, I was pushed into our TV stand, hitting my head and then I started to bleed from my very personal regions. When the cops showed up, I lied. I refused to admit that we had been physical with each other. But he decided to take it upon himself and kindly let the officer know that I bit him. I still refused to tell the cops everything so that was my fault but there started my court induced journey. The kid who has never even got in trouble at school had to go to court for domestic violence. That chapter is meant for another chapter but ultimately I plead not guilty after Kara was 1 year old. I did go to the hospital that night to confirm everything with Kara was fine and it was but it was an awful experience that ended up at Denny’s that morning.

We’re going to move on now and start to close off this chapter. There is so much more but that should get you to keep reading! The labor and delivery of Kara is for a different chapter because it’s a different story. I hope that all of you keep reading but it won’t be in any traditional order. I can’t force myself to think about what I want to talk about, it just comes at me naturally.

Chapter One: Welcome-The Mommy Years Spectacular (Yes, another parent blog)

You know, I’ve been contemplating on a doing a blog for a long while. The one thing I know how to do well is write. Well, you maybe don’t know as we are perfect strangers! First, I would like to dive into a little bit about myself to provide some context. I must warn you to not skip over or you will be incredibly lost and you will get my stamp of disapproval. Let’s begin!

I was born in Salt Lake City, Utah. As like a lot of people, I felt like I was born in the wrong place because the cold makes me bitter. However, I really enjoy hot drinks but you didn’t really need to know that and I’ve probably already lost your attention. Focus! I’m currently 25 years old and I have 3 kids. My first kid is my step-child and she is 10 years old. My second (technically my first) is almost 6 years old in January and my baby is 13 months old. I work a full-time job, go to school online and maintain my household. For all of you who are wondering, I’m majoring in Psychology. I think it’s a needed field especially after 4 years working for a credit card company. Now, you see, my history is complex so that will come out more when it’s relevant in later blogs. Also note, not all my blogs will be parenting blogs. There are times I like to run off on tangents about the universe and aliens. Moving on…

By now, you’re probably wondering what this blog is really about. This blog in particular focuses on my life as a mother. To make sure it was understood, my life is complex. It seems like each chapter I endure is very unique. The biggest chapter of my life started when Kara was born. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was staring at the pregnancy test so disappointed because I didn’t see the second line. I was 18 and most people my age would be relieved. Nope, instead I stared at the TV feeling complete distraught that it wasn’t positive. After a minute, I knew that I just needed to check again. I went and I dug the test out of the trash and held it up the light. I was determined to see a second line because my life was missing something/somebody. I was in a shit show of a relationship, my parents didn’t talk to me and I was just about to graduate from High School. I lived with my boyfriend at the time because my dad was so abusive that I couldn’t take it anymore. Well, it turns out I went from one abuser to another. That second line on that test meant more to me than it does to some. For me, it meant a new beginning, a purpose and a new desire to live. The guy I was with at the time kept telling me he didn’t see that line. I could see it. If I held it just right, it was there. Mind you, I pee’d on the stick as soon as I got it so it wasn’t the first pee or whatever. I told myself this is happening and I was pregnant. The next morning, I grabbed the second stick and pee’d on it and realized a half hour later that it was upside down and that is why the line didn’t show. I flipped it over and clear as day that line could not be disputed. I was so fucking scared. I was like, what the hell did I just do. So, what does every girl do when they find out they’re pregnant? E-mail their mother asking for the name of their doctor. As you may know by now, this shit just got real. Thus, the chapter was first created. Well, I got my thoughts in gear and applied for Medicaid and I had a job so that was good. I was a CNA for almost four years before I quit. I had to go to Planned Parenthood to get a confirmation that I was indeed, pregnant. I took my then boyfriend with me and when the lady came in and said “Well, it looks like you’re pregnant. What do you want to do about it?” That moment is when my then boyfriend was hit with a box of rocks. Holy shit, she is really pregnant and didn’t just fake the test. I wouldn’t do that anyway but I was obsessed with it for a minute even though I wasn’t trying to get pregnant. The next significant moment I need to point out is the moment I told my best friend. Well, we’ve been friends going on 13 years now and she’s attended both my children’s birth. The only thing I can is she was very excited. I also knew I was having a girl and had a name picked out before she was even conceived so Brooke was like, “I’m so excited to meet Kara!” That’s pretty much it so we can jump ahead to about 6 weeks pregnant. I can’t remember exactly but I either just graduated high school or I was in the process of graduating but I remember when I was six weeks along. The gas in my apartment had just been turned off and I was not prepared for how sick I was going to get. I was puking it seemed like every other minute. I was dealing with bed bugs, cock roaches, no gas and now to add to it, I was INCREDIBLY sick. The whole pregnancy with Kara I had only gained 18 pounds but I lost 10 the first trimester. At six weeks is when everything started taking a turn for the worst. We didn’t really have food so the only time I got to eat is when I would eat the leftover food at work. They were so good about feeding me but I would go home to nothing and the days I had off were brutal. The fights between my then boyfriend started to get worse and worse. Before I was pregnant, there were times he would punch me in the back of the head, pull my hair, the works. Skipping to eight weeks along, my boyfriend and I had a really bad fight that resulted in our neighbors calling the cops. This is the part of the story where I tell you guys when I got in trouble for domestic violence. As you know, we didn’t have heat in our house which resulted in cold ass showers or baths. Therefore, we had to use our two working burners, oven and coffee pot to heat up water. It took about a good two hours before you could successfully fill a bath tub. Well, that particular night, that’s what I did. I wanted to take a bath with warm water. He and I were in a pretty intense fight so as I was taking a bath we were arguing. When I got out, let out the water, he took a huge 64 ounce cup of Mountain Dew and poured it on my head. I wasn’t attempting to hurt him but I did go to the sink and attempt to pour cold water on him. He wouldn’t let me turn on the faucet so I bit him but I didn’t leave a mark. Now kids, violence is never the answer. However, when the cops got called, it’s because our neighbors heard a large bang followed by screaming. At eight weeks pregnant, I was pushed into our TV stand, hitting my head and then I started to bleed from my very personal regions. When the cops showed up, I lied. I refused to admit that we had been physical with each other. But he decided to take it upon himself and kindly let the officer know that I bit him. I still refused to tell the cops everything so that was my fault but there started my court induced journey. The kid who has never even got in trouble at school had to go to court for domestic violence. That chapter is meant for another chapter but ultimately I plead not guilty after Kara was 1 year old. I did go to the hospital that night to confirm everything with Kara was fine and it was but it was an awful experience that ended up at Denny’s that morning.

We’re going to move on now and start to close off this chapter. There is so much more but that should get you to keep reading! The labor and delivery of Kara is for a different chapter because it’s a different story. I hope that all of you keep reading but it won’t be in any traditional order. I can’t force myself to think about what I want to talk about, it just comes at me naturally