The Culture of Bullying

Bullying. We have heard about it, read about it, seen it on TV, saw it first hand, experienced it, or probably approving it in one way or another, or committing the act of bullying itself. It even went viral on social media, even governments and schools are now concerned about it, most if not all hate it and doesn't want to experience it, most don't want the members of their families to go through it either. Many have suffered and are still suffering because of it. Worst of all, even resulted in untimely deaths.

Have you ever wondered when, where and how bullying started? Well in my case, my recollection of my earliest experience about it was when I was a child. I cannot remember exactly how old I was, probably 4 or 5 years old. I can still remember a few instance or snap shots of my life when I experienced bullying, I remember that one of my older sisters was blocking my way when I was about to walk towards the other part of our house, she was doing it in a playful way but I was not playing with her. I just badly want to go to the other part of our house for the reason that I could not recall. Since she was bigger and physically stronger than me, I could not get pass through her. Then I suddenly burst into tears bitterly with gnashing of teeth, I can still remember the pain and the negative feelings it brought me, it felt like my head and chest will explode in desperation, I felt frustrated and angry and all the negative emotions mixed all together. Eventually, she let me pass through. I can still remember that she was laughing back then. It was just a play for her but for me it’s not.

I believe this is just one of the unintended ways to bully a powerless child and one of the earliest instance a person is introduced to bullying by a member of the family.

Another example, a parent or a guardian is playing with his or her child by offering a toy or food or anything, then the child gets interested and finally stretched out his or her arms to get it, then you retracted your hand and then you repeat the process with your goofy face and making funny sounds until the child or baby cries, then you eventually give it to the child, the person who is doing this act to the child is not aware that he or she is bullying the little one, they thought they were just playing with the baby or child. We thought it's just nothing but in reality we are playing with their feelings and I believe this is a form of bullying.

There was also an instance when our 7 years old boy refuses to go to the dentist with her mom because our boy was so scared of the needle or the syringe the dentist is using. My wife reacted by threatening him to give away all his favorite toys to other kids if he will not come to the dentist, then our boy cried. I immediately and gently corrected my wife that what she was doing to our boy is a form of bullying, explaining that it isn't his fault of being afraid of the dentist needle and he do not deserve any punishment, instead encouragement to face his fears. For me, using your dominance as a parent to get your kids to obey you is not a form of discipline but a form of bullying.

I believe that these are some of the ways from hundreds of ways we unintentionally start to transform a child to become a bully someday. We were bullied by our family members and we do not notice that we do it to others outside our family and the behavior spreads and then it creates a cycle.

Whether you like it or not, bullying has become a part of our culture. We could be bullied or we bully people in many ways, about physical appearance, race, skin color, the way a person speaks or walk, or talk , even the body odor of a person is a subject of bullying, we bully people because we think we are smarter than them, name it, it comes in so many ways, we could be bullied for anything at all, anywhere, any time, even the internet becomes an avenue for bullying. We bully those we think are weak, those who we think will not and cannot fight back, those we think are ugly, we bully others to simply have some fun and so on.

There are a couple of definitions in the dictionary about the word bullying, but for me, the meaning of the word depends on the bully and the one being bullied, on the bullies end, it's something done purposely or impulsively or done in ignorance or done by someone born and molded from a culture of bullying, to make fun and cast misery to a person by ridiculing them, the bully can make fun of the person via practical jokes or through play of creatively offensive words in front of an audience, intimidate through violence or by force or for some ingenious ways. Some people do it to show their supremacy over another, and a ton of reasons we can think of.

For the one being bullied, this means physical and or mental torment, a wound that can go deep to a man's soul that is so difficult to heal and pain that is felt even beyond the bones, pain that can last a lifetime. Worst, this means the end of life and even the cause of suicides.

For some who survived bullying, it's sometimes a catalyst for them to eventually learn to fight back and to strive, to become stronger and eventually succeed and excel in life. Sadly for some, it's the opposite.

I believe one of the origins how, where, and when a person becomes a bully may come from the very basic unit of our society, from our dearly beloved family by doing some things we thought are harmless for a child.

As we raise our child, we don't want to add to the society a person that will become a bully someday. We will go to the roots and avoid bullying our child and never raise him to become a bully, instead teaching our child about respect and acceptance, and if possible all the virtues. We will always be true to him and never toy around with his feelings.

I hope I have shared an idea that could somehow encourage people to correct one of the deep-seated errors of our cultures. We can start from the basics, from ourselves, from our family, and hopefully someday we can end this culture, the culture of bullying.