Why you shouldn't give your baby a pacifier

My first controversial topic will be the use - or abuse - of pacifiers. Almost every baby gets one as soon as it is born. Maybe a parent reads this and can answer the question: Why? Why do you plug your baby's mouth with it? 

Because you just do it. It's what babys do, they suck on everything (okay, this sounds weird, but I hope you know how I mean this). 

But in the end it's just a substitude for the mother's breast. 

Little excursus on breast-feeding: Some of my students don't want to breast-feed their children because they're scared that their breasts will 'hang' afterwards. They won't. Your breast is not a pack of capri sun. Age and gravitation will do this, not your child. And breast-feeding is the best thing you can do to your child. It helps forming a bond between you and your child. Breast milk will provide your baby with everything it needs. It's necessary for the immune system. And almost every mother can breast-feed. Of course, in some cases of illness you shouldn't. But hopefully you're healthy. And even a small breast can produce enough milk for the baby (and by the way: It's vegan. If you think not, you should inform yourself on what veganism really means...). It takes effort to drink, so your baby trains her*his muscles in the mouth region, her*his tongue, everything. This is necessary to learn to speak. Feeling, smelling and seeing you (a newborn only can see sharp in the distance of breast to face, because that's where it's supposed to be after birth - nature is great!) will calm your baby. If you're still not convinced: There's no better way to lose weight after giving birth than to breast-feed. So maybe this will motivate you. 

Of course, not always is a baby hungry when it cries. So why not give him a pacifier? Because a baby does not cry - at least not in the beginning - because it wants a pacifier. It has a need. Often it's just to feel you. So taking the baby up will calm it. But many people won't. They don't have the time or don't want to spoil the kid. You are not spoiling a baby by fulfilling it's needs! Only needs, that are fulfilled, will pass. The baby is tired, hungry, wet. Eliminate the reason, not the symptom (crying).

Moreover a baby will learn by being treated like that, that other people are good. I read a lot about psychopaths. Many of them were not treated well in their (early) childhood. They learned to distrust others. But by calming your baby in an appropriate way, it will learn that others can be trusted, you can turn to other people, when you're in distress. This is a lesson a child should learn. Not to turn to things outside of relationships. How do you calm yourself? Do you smoke? I know I do. And it will kill me somewhen. (Of course, people could kill me, too.) What a baby learns by being 'pacified' with a pacifier is that things calm you down. That her*his parents are annoyed by her*his voice. That it won't be helped eliminating the reason for it's distress, but to turn to substitudes for good feelings. And in the end, it will form a relationship to the pacifier, because it calm her*him down. 

And then the real trouble starts. It won't let go of it. I saw this fight so often in kindergarten. Children tend to animate things like stuffed animals, but also a pacifier. For them it's like a friend it can and must turn to whenever feeling bad (because her*his parents sure won't help her*him). Would you let go of a friend because mama says to do so? Did you hold on to one of your stuffed animals from your childhood? I still have a little pink bear with a strawberry on it's tummy my beloved grandmother gave me for my baptism.   

But now the kid is two years old, maybe three, and it shouldn't use a pacifier anymore, right? But it won't give it away. And this is bad. Because it can damage the way teeth grow. Hello, braces! That's gonna cost you. And the kid, because it may be teased in school. It also hinders speaking. The kid can't use it's mouth properly because there's always something inside. The tongue can't move freely. And in the end, even if it takes out the pacifier, the tongue hasn't learned how to move the right way to form the right phones. Changing that is almost impossible. Can you roll the "r"? Can you say "th" right in English? It's something you either learn when you're little, or mostly not at all (and if, it takes a lot of effort). Think of migrants from countries, in which another language is spoken. They can live in their new home country for fourty, fifty years, you still hear their accent.   

So why would you do this to your baby? Signal her*him, that you won't care for her*his needs, make it hard to learn to speak, ruin her*his teeth and probably most of it's youth (braces), get into a fight when it won't give it up, ... . Just because it looks cute and everyone else does it?! Because it's the easiest way to 'pacify' the baby (I hope I made clear that it doesn't. The Baby just won't cry anymore because of the reflex to suck, it doesn't mean it's happy now!)? Think about it. There's another way. And I deeply believe it's the better. 

Qapla'!   

Pitty