Fordyce Spots in Mouth and on Face

Instead of curiosity, a thirst for life, i was filled with anxiety about my colors, my textures, my smells, my looks!

I spent years thinking I had stds even before I had sex bc none of the genetalia I ever saw looked like mine.
That's right. As a young girl, i had access to pornography, where i learned how to have sex and also this "it's cool to be humiliated and controlled"....but not the knowledge it would be beneficial to learn instead... anatomy and physiology in a more balanced and useful way.

Nevermind the yeast infections I had due to Standard American diet, stress, lack of connection to The Self! Sugar, candy, food coloring, Corn syrup, GMOs. Heaps and heaps of processed foods and ice creams.

The Discharge Thickens

When sebaceous glands came to the party around 15. I was so freaked out and self conscious I never really enjoyed fooling around. So I pretty much stuck with long distance stuff or just getting them off.

When I finally reached out for help I told my friend's mom. I felt so ashamed to tell her. And then her not believe I wasn't having intercourse...it made me retreat more in to my labyrinth of horrors!

Rock Bottom Confidence

I remember showing my vulva to a really close friend one day; I was 16. I believe I had bacterial vaginosis. I didn't know for a long time! He said, "Boy I've always wanted to see one in real life but not like this. That doesn't look normal."

Can you Just imagine the thoughts going through my mind?! What is wrong with my body and what do i do?!

I spent my whole young life thinking I was a hideous monster bc of my skin color and textures and not understanding I was having non sexually transmitted infections!

I became more scared and self conscious. Then, I started visiting the health clinic at my university at 17.

All Clear

I was prepared for the worst!

Nothing.

Not a word about what i thought was a huge, horrible anomaly. The THING that made me so ugly! It didn't even come up!

Only the Revelation I have a BEAUTIFUL CERVIX. Later the test results confirmed ive had a bacterial infection for some time, and NO STDS.

Ignorantly, I took their big antibiotics without question. Followed protocol and was all clear. But later I'd find myself in the same situation....a fishy situation...ugh
And back again, taking antibiotics, no idea how this was negatively impacting my gut and health, nor any idea of how to end the cycle.(I live so differently now)

I'd search and search and found the answers but maintained doubt bc I was just too ugly. There must be something more....

**Back then. **
Back then...
I had no confidnce. If it wasn't one thing, it was another.
I was too fat or too loud or too ugly....i was too smart...i wasn't smart enough...i was too tough...i was too much. Or Never enough!

In my appearance driven confidence... I had none. And my perception of my changing body discouraged me from aiming higher than what I could get.
Secretive guys, ok.
Disrespectful guys, ok.
Rapists, ok.
Strangers, ok.
I had no trouble talking the talk but the walking of it was nerve wracking because it lacked total authenticity, I never fully enjoyed myself bc I lacked pride and confidence in my body, and there really wasnt any established trust, most of the time. Just two people who kinda like each other, enough to get off...or at least one of us... usually them.. usually me accepting this as ok! Bc "after he is done, it's just done!"
I was ignorant to disrespect, honor....
I did not know it as a gross manipulation and inconsiderate meeting that left me feeling unsatisfied, lonely, yet turned on by shame, and ready to go touch myself...and probably call someone for phone sex, or join a sex chat for one night sexting or phone sex..

Becoming

I want to be a wife, a mother.
I want to be a real friend.
I want to be one with my intuition.
I want to plant little seeds.
So, I started questioning, seeking information and education.
I found Self Realization, yoga/meditation.i found my guru. I found light on my way.

Coming Alive

Slowly, as I built community and garnered support and encouragement. I also gained confidnce, found my footing and shared, shared, shared.
To my total horror. To my Great Delight! Through indescribable fear, I shared my passages(much like this one) because it always brought me to new light.

It's ok to OVERCOME.

YOU ARE STRONG.

BELIEVE.

Now, I am 30 and have had two amazing freebirths, I have transformed myself into my own inspiration. My own muse.my own lover and defender. And I am more than fine. 😎 GROWING LITTLE SEEDS!

Source
Now I'm learning that I'm turned on by being alone w myself and feeling my energy and needs.

The needs of my family.
Meditating.
Doing duty that makes family life easier.
Also giving myself the pleasure I can have in my time. Make it worth it bc time is scattered when it comes to two babies.

It's taken me so many years to love myself, of taking myself for granted,not knowing my biology!

Everything about me is as it should be.
I can touch myself with pride and power. I can feel the electricity of bonding with myself and using my power to visualize my success and manifest it.

It's a power I choose to align myself w and cultivate bc it is as healing as Creation itself and it CREATES!

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When to Start Teaching Children Biology and Physiology

As early as a person acknowledges their body parts, they should have access to more and more knowledge of their names and functions.

It is detrimental to mental health and more to be ignorant of biology and physiology.

Expand Knowledge

It is necessary to discuss normal body looks and functions and what is not normal or a disease. If we are not open to discussion to our children, we are INDEED failing our present and future! It is ok and even good to be uncomfortable. The feeling less us know we have something to work on...now or later... You decide!

Be Open to Listen/Be Open to Talk

It is our JOB TO INSTILL CONFIDNCE TO OUR KIN of our desire and joy for them to approach us with any and all questions, concerns, or revelations.
We should maintain an open ear and listen fully. It may be hard, but dig deep, this is about children building trust and confidence in your relationship. Teaching them how to build healthy relationships on their own!
It's ok to ask questions and look up stuff you don't know.
In this way we also make clear, mistakes are an awesome learning experience. We can teach trial and error. Enjoying the Journey!

Here is one. Do you know it?
Many people mistakenly call the vulva, vagina. The vulva is the whole outside you can see. Lips, labia...The vagina is inside, unseen, the birth canal.

TheHappyVulva

Work Together, Be Uncomfortable, Be Honest

It's great we can collaborate and learn together.
It's fundamental we teach our children biology and physiology, chances are we have a lot to learn ourselves. Let's drop the stigma that teaching children their bodies w lead them to be over sexualized. That is an excuse we make to avoid stepping up to the plate and facing our own challenges and saying words like "vulva", "orgasm", "masturbate", "SEX", "ANAL", "STDS", "CONSENT", "ASSAULT.", "RAPE"....to our children.

Guide your children with truth, and truth they can come to THEMSELVES in love!
So THEY cultivate self confidence, self acceptance, self love, self respect and A unity that Will not be destroyed by Divide and Conquer Schemes!

Brighten the Future by arming with knowledge in the Present!

Feel Lost on Communication w Kids?
Read the book : How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and How to Listen so Kids Will Talk
Paperback
Audible

Need some ideas to start opening discussion with your children?
Check out my post and a link to the Consent Topic
The Journey From Egg to Embryo
Proper Intact Care From Infancy and Beyond
Here is the very First Menstruation Coloring Book
Physiology of the Reproductive Anatomy

Why Did I Share All That Personal Experience???

I wanted to give you an example.
An example of the many consequences of ignorance: heartbreak, fear, worry, anxiety, imbalance,etc.
And also for myself. To move on from the consequences of keeping secrets that impact health and beyond.

Thanks for Tuning In. I APPRECIATE YOU!

From
Persephone