One Third of the Way Through, a Reassessment of my Internship

It has been over four months since I first began my Nuclear Medicine Technology Internship and it has moved fast. I have learned so much over these last months, even a ton since my last blog. Certainty, I have been met with challenges and frustrations, but I come into work everyday excited and looking forward to the job!

El scans

I have found it very rewarding to solo studies now and nail them. There really is a lot to remember and focus on during since they are so new to us. Every time I complete one though, a little part of the scan gets locked into my long term memory and I find the next time I approach the study easier. It can be tough to get everything correct in a solo and there have been many a time that I have missed the most benign aspect and failed. It can be disappointing and frustrating, but in hindsight it is for the best, because the last thing I want is to turn in a improper or incomplete scan down the road. I enjoy doing Biliary scans and lungs the most right now (probably because I have been passing them). It will be tough in the coming months to focus on solos, finish the research project and complete our assigned labs, but there should be time. One of the areas I have struggled most during this second leg is ALARA. Some of it has to do with different techs insisting on different techniques and me being forced to follow them, instead of finding a safe way that works well for me. The other part of it is my propensity to be reckless with my safety and not put a high priority on protective measures. I mean I wrestled a 11 foot alligator this summer. It just has to be something I focus my attention on, not only for my safety, but especially for others.

Honeymoon period over

In the first month or two since starting there was a honeymoon period. Similar to that of a nice relationship. Excitement of finally starting a long awaited internship coalesced with everything being new. It created a period of well....honeymoon I guess. Where everything was peachy and there were no issues whatsoever. Now that I have settled and have begun to feel out a rhythm, things I had once overlooked no longer escape my notice. Typically it is very benign and inconsequential such as being told to preform tasks different ways by different people, but only out of their personal preference and not actual betterment. Or, making a simple and one time mistake only for it to be exacerbated as if it is a chronic issue.
Another benign thing is often times I have a different reaction to mistakes/adversity then the average individual. I also have a very high self esteem and am very comfortable being self deprecating or being the butt of jokes. Usually when I make a small mistake it can come across that I nonchalantly brush it off or downplay/dismiss it. I actually take my mistakes to heart and really want to become a great tech, but the perception that usually arises is that I am unfocused or don't care. That is far from the truth. When I make larger mistakes I can be more reflective and regretful. Though usually I simply shrug it off and move on. There is no use dwelling on it.
This is all well and dandy, developing a reputation of "breaking things" or "unfocused, college behavior" is alright with me. As much as I try, sometimes the more shall we say "goofy" aspects of myself shine through in a unprofessional or unbecoming manner. Though I think it is less about if I actually do those actions more often then others, and much more about how I react to them. My light reaction invites other people to make light or fun of my mistake instead of me getting bent out of shape. This leads to others being not being shy or hesitant to bring it up again. It can make for some workplace laughter and I enjoy it. We are human and me especially am learning. Taking every little mistake to heart just sets the workplaces on the path to a cold stressful and tense environment.
The drawback of this is Confirmation Bias where every one of my mistakes starts being contributed to that personality factor. It also shines a spotlight on goofs that would have otherwise would have gone completely unnoticed or attributed to learning. Or I see (and I won't throw anyone under the bus) others make plenty of the same mistakes, but it isn't attributed to them at all, or even noticed. "Oh Zach messed up again, must have not be paying attention". I want to be a great tech one day, I want each of my scans to help physician diagnose in the best way possible and this positive feedback loop of confirmation bias sometimes insinuates and ascribes that I'm not doing that. That, or don't care to be a good tech. Now whether this is others perception or just my perception of their perception, it isn't a big deal, just something I notice and is much easier to put in writing. Trying to verbalize this would probably come across wrong, or I would come out as even more confusing. Just wanted to bring it to attention, If anything just a find it helpful to share my thought process.

Now let's end on a positive note.

I have come to enjoy the technologists I work with more. I think they start to see we are starting to transition and they can trust us a little more with executing scans or procedures right. I was leary about a couple in the first months simply because we are very different people and wasn't sure if that would cause friction down the road, but I am happy to say that concern is quelled and enjoy all the technologists. I think they have our best interest at heart nearly all the time, as well as you too Carlyn. It's gonna some fun months ahead!