Swing, Swing #11: Pity Bang

Esther and Danny took the award for my least favorite couple. Danny took every chance he got to hold her like a trophy, especially when I was close enough to see them. I feared going into the communal area because every time I saw them cuddled up on the couch I damn near threw up on the carpet. I needed something to take my mind off of their love.

Tittycaca told me something about a different website that he used to hook up with horny locals, called it Swing, Swing. "The best site on the planet for getting laid," he said. I needed to get laid, so I gave it a shot. I kept my expectations low and went through the usual process of creating a profile, threw in a half-assed bio and ticked everything in my interests from watersports to anal. Everything except phone sex.

After that I ran a quick search for potential lays using my perfected algorithm for screening out flakes and hookers. You can always tell a hooker by the complete lack of emotion in her bio. Even a woman who sounds pissed at the world and the insane number of dick pics that she's getting is a better prospect than a woman who shows no emotion because an emotional woman is a horny woman which brings her that much closer to dropping her panties. Usually by the time I screen out all of the wastes I'm left with 100 male profiles chasing two or three attention whores who never meet up but love to boast about how full their inboxes are.

Swing, Swing surprised me though. There were actual female profiles, and most of them were so full of anger. I spammed every single female between the age of 18-25 all across the country while I jacked of furiously and repeatedly to their pictures. Got a total of zero responses.

While I waited for the replies that would never come, a couple from the suburbs right out of town messaged and asked me to come over for some fun. He mentioned something about his wife having a degenerative disorder like MS or something like that but that didn't matter. My only requirement at that point was that she have a vagina.

I took a cab to their house in the hills. Pretty nice place, nestled up on the side of the road with hardwood floors and an orange aura. He-Never-Gave-Me-His-Name met me at the door and led me to the bedroom where his wife was on the bed with her wheelchair on the side, stark naked and legs spread for me to go in.

If I had any sense about me I would have realized that easy pussy comes with a catch but my dick didn't care. It stood all the way up as soon as it sensed a pair of female heels spread as far apart as they would go. I almost pounced on her right there and then but He-Never-Told-Me-His-Name insisted that I rubber up. I hated using rubbers while fucking but I shrugged and agreed. His pussy, his rules.

Rubber on and cock generously lubed, I got on top of her without making eye contact and spread her brown pubes apart, looking for the point of entry. She barely moved while I pushed my fingers inside her. Too stiff to be catatonic but not exactly responsive either.

Her pussy held on to my wood surprisingly tight. Every time I pulled back for the forward thrust she sighed like she never wanted me to leave. I did my best to ignore the fact that the woman I was sleeping with was far from attractive. She looked like the worst variety of what you'd find on the short-bus but her pussy proved that K (kuma) really is constant.

Ever the ass man, I got tired of looking at her face and made the mistake of turning around and saw what years of sitting in a wheelchair can do to your ass then quickly turned her back around. The front would do.

I pumped for all I was worth, wondering if she could really feel anything, but no amount of pumping would make me cum, especially not with a condom on, so I pulled out and jerked off into her mouth. Her husband came out of nowhere and cleaned the jizz off my dick. Kinda caught me off-guard but I didn't care. The release left me so drained that apathy was all I could feel. I looked down at the woman I'd just fucked and nearly gagged. I needed to get out of there.

I rolled off the bed and started to dress with my head held low. Despite getting the lay I so desperately wanted, I still felt like shit because I still had to go home and hear the woman I loved giggling like a school-girl from the other side of the wall. I trudged into the dorm-room and locked myself in my room waiting to hear Esther having the time of her life with Danny but I got something else instead. Eric was there, and I could hear him telling Danny that he had nothing to worry about because I was a no-name fresh-off-the-boat piece of shit.

Hearing Eric say that made me smile because if Danny needed reassurance that I wasn't a threat, that meant I still had a shot with Esther.