9 groups of people in a commercial bus (danfo) in Lagos
If you stay in Lagos, or have stayed in Lagos, or have one or two reasons to come down to Lagos, you would have boarded the commercial bus popularly known as danfo or the longer bus called molue (if you know, you know). Though these buses are virtually in every part of Nigeria, but the ones at Lagos are truly different.
DANFO
https://www.bantuphotos.com/image-detail/lagos-danfo?src=JCwzRFEsQGBgCmAK
If you have ever boarded it, then you'll really have idea of what I'm saying, and if you haven't, I'll advise you do because it's so fun, interesting, crazy and sometimes annoying.
MOLUE
https://www.google.com/amp/dailypost.ng/2017/03/13/lagos-buy-5000-buses-replace-danfo/amp/?source=images
Here are nine (9) groups of people you'll see in a commercial bus in Lagos.
1.) SLEEPERS: These set of people can sleep for Africa, they sleep at every breeze that blows them. The only time they don't sleep is when they are just boarding and when they are alighting from the bus. Some are so annoying that they will be snoring while sleeping in the bus. Some even sleep and they will be taken farther than their bus stops. I boarded a bus sometimes ago, the man beside me was sleeping, not just sleeping he was sleep talking. Everyone in the bus was just laughing.
2.) BUYERS: fan milk, gala, fanice, water etc. these sets of people don't miss them. They buy this, buy that. And they can eat for Africa. The funniest thing is that, whatever one wants to buy on the road, you'll get them during hold-up situation on Lagos roads. These set of people are ready to buy just anything in the bus, they are always very hungry at every minute. They buy every now and then, they are never tired of buying.
3.) QUIET ONES: No matter what is happening in the bus, even when there is a fight in the bus or arguments or even quarrel, you'll never hear anything from these sets of people, no matter how hard you try to make them talk, they'll never even open their mouth. They are always so quiet, they don't say a word, they don't say peem!!!
4.) SELLERS/MARKETERS: This usually happens in molue (long buses), these people are so good at marketing that if you're not careful they'll market shit for you and you'll buy it. They have very sweet mouths, they usually sell drugs and at a very cheap rate. Only God knows how they do it, but majority of the people in the bus always end up buying from them.
5.) CALLERS: From the moment these set of people board the bus to the time they will drop they are always on call. Some can be so annoying that they will be shouting at the top of their voices like they are fighting over the phone. They will just be shouting as if something else is wrong with them. And some are very good liars, they'll be inside the bus in Lagos but they'll tell their callers they're at Ibadan.
I took a bus sometimes ago from cms to ojuelegba, then a lady was making a call in the bus and she said 'hello, I'm in Abuja, and everybody just towards her shocked!
A passenger told her 'madam, take am easy nah'.
Though some callers are calm and gentle on their calls, while some are always forging fake calls.
6.) FIGHTERS: These set of people get irritated and angry at every little thing, some even gets angry for no reason, most of them are fraustrated they are simply looking for whom to transfer their frustrations at. One got angry and ready to exchange blows with the conductor the other time because the conductor told another passenger that he doesn't have change (balance), so the man was like,
why will you not have change?
Who are you that you cannot look for change?
Before we knew it, it was something else, other passengers have to calm and beg both of them not to fight.
7.) ABUSERS: They can abuse and ready for anyone in the bus anytime and anyday. They are ready to face everyone in the bus. These are mostly women, they can be of any tribe. Always ready for war, they are never caught off-guard.
They will even abuse a passer by who are just going on their own, they are not in the bus o, but due to their abusive nature, they don't care.
8.) ARGUERS: They are ready to turn anything any circumstances into arguments, some will be saying nonsense with confidence.
Politics, they are there.
Sports, they are there.
Fashion, they are not left out.
Whatever anyone say, they are ready to oppose and turn it into arguments.
Either bling argument or not, they really derive pleasure in arguments. They are always jobless, as you'll find most of them in one newspaper stand or the other around Lagos.
These sets of people will always want to win arguments, they don't argue to learn, they argue to win as if they will be given trophies for winning arguments, some of them will be sweating like Christmas goats and some will have lost their voices, but that doesn't stop them from arguing. They can be so annoying most times, the best thing to do for people like that is to ignore whatever they're saying and to make it better, just look for an earpiece and put in your ears and pretend you're listening to music. But that will not still stop them from arguing, but at least it'll reduce their shouting intensity.
9.) NO CHANGE (balance): The general language of a typical Lagos state conductor is 'wole pelu change e o' (enter with your change). No matter how loud or the number of times the conductor shouts this, these set of people will never have change. Some will board a bus of N50 and give the conductor N1,000 note. This always makes the conductors angry. The most annoying thing is that most of them will have N50 on them, but they will refuse to pay. Most conductors now know how to handle them, they always join them together at the final bus stops, then you'll see them bringing out change. Very funny people.
The people that laughs most are the people that have idea of what I'm talking about.
It's fun trying them out.
You can include it in your résumé that you boarded danfo @naijapidgin at #wafrica.
Thanks for your time.
Good morning and have a great day.
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