Dear Buhari

Dear Buhari,
Normally, I would be writing this letter to you and starting it with all the accolades that you deserve, alluding you with various sweet words and telling you what a sweet person you are and how much you mean to me; at least those of us who wrote love letters in Primary school back in the day understand fully what I mean here. But NAY, you don’t deserve any of such alluring or endearing words and I will give you just what I think you deserve.

My name is David Adesina, and I am a proud representative of the crop of illustrious individuals you have publicly tagged as #LazyNigerianYouths I know I am not lazy, as I am earnestly working tirelessly, day and night to ensure that I am successful in this difficult country of ours and as difficult as the situations are, I am not doing entirely bad with my job. I have managed to keep afloat so far and I found it very insulting, as well as several millions of the youths in this country making waves in their little corners and bringing fame and popularity to Nigeria as a country.

In 2014, I remember the craze and noise politically inclined folks were making about you around the halls of residence on OAU campus; Student Union activists (no name calling allowed here, but I could have mentioned the prominent ones) who wouldn’t have it from anybody except it was BUHARI/APC, politically unconscious students who had caught the BUHARI fever from the conscious ones and were going about, carrying APC on their heads like as though it was their CGPA.

There were a lot of promises you made back then that I felt were assiduously unattainable and unachievable, but guys would go the extra mile to explain how plausible and laudable these manifesto of yours was, and the way it was going to be achieved in due time:

The #1 to $1 idea was usually the first point of call; and in all the senses of truth, honesty and fairness to humanity (at least the Nigerian environment), I believed back then that it was going to be almost impossibility to make that promise work, but there was these sect of individuals that would explain to me how BUHARI was going to implement several economic policies to help boost the country’s exports and then in turn aid the country in regulating the inflow of foreign currency and the outflow of the Naira and in the midterm see the Naira – Dollar rate come to par. As an economics student (that I was back then, I had never heard of some of the policies they were talking about, back then, and I wasn’t even certain of their validity as they explain the phenomenal idea to me. I mean even you, Mr President, has some businesses you execute in hard currency that would only thrive with the exchange rate as high as it could be and so if push comes to shove, you won’t let it by. Why make a baseless promise you know deeply can’t be worked on?

Returning pump price to #45 was another brain buster that you promised to make happen and I remember I used to laugh hysterically whenever these stooges of APC on campus brought up that argument. This was at the time when the pump price was almost reaching #400 in some places in the country, although it was just around #300 here in Ile-Ife. There’s an economic term that explains how and why this idea won’t work; the one that talks about prices being “STICKY DOWNWARDS” (special shoutout to Mariam Azeez for helping me understand this concept when I needed to, I hope you still drop all those mad ass posts on your blog? Been a while I saw any though) which means that it is easier for prices to go up than it is to push it the other way around. Take a very practical look at the prices of things that went up in the crux of the 2015/2016 recession for example, how many of them ever returned back to their original price? I can bet you that maybe only about 3%-5% of commodities did. The rest remained at their new prices or reduced abit and remained there since then. I remember buying Spaghetti in the market in Sabo for #110 in late March 2016, travelling to Ghana (for an AIESEC Exchange), only to return later in June and discover that Spaghetti was #250. The price right now is #220/#200. Prices of commodities never just magically reduce like that. You now promised to bring down pump price to #45 in the face of recession. Anyways, I just want to tell you that the pump price today (3 years after you took over as President) is #145 and not 1 litre of fuel for #45 as you promised.

I also remember you promising to pay #5000 to every unemployed Corps members for the first 12 months of their exit from the NYSC program, while they were still trying to make things work out for themselves, from the day you assumed office, till this very moment, I want to believe that you were never informed that you made this promise. I remember vividly well how I faulted this particular agenda on your manifesto with the argument that the number of graduates that Nigerian Universities churn out every year, was an awful lot to keep up with on a regular and that for you to promise even a thousand naira stipend to every one of them for 12 months (after youth service) would seriously dent the pocket of the nation, but your followers were once again adamant that it was a sustainable plan and that it would be implemented; they still await it your excellency, give it to them sir.

The one that really burst my bubble the most was the increase you promised to make to the monthly stipend of NYSC members. I can’t readily remember how much it was now, but if memory serves me a little correctly, it was something close to #50,000 back then and even I, the most unenthusiastic fellow about NYSC was eager to finish from school and begin to serve and collect roughly fifty thousand naira monthly. The prospect seemed high, the possibilities were not far-fetched, but the intention to implement it in the first place was unfounded and inexistent, so in short it was just a crowd pulling campaign promise that was never going to see the light of the day.

Mr President sir, with all due respect (in the voice of Oliver Queen – The ARROW):”YOU HAVE FAILED THIS COUNTRY” and I for one will not mince words in trying to alert you to that truth. Over the past 3 years since you ascended the office of Commander in Chief, we have seen you take more trips out of this country than some pilots have in their entire careers, from those trips to visit countries that have as much wahala as Nigeria to trips to see people that needs to be caned in their own countries, to those long medical trips your term has now come to be so well associated with, the time you have spent in the country ruling as Mr President can be said to have been spent in so much jamboree.

There’s still one more year left for you to spend, so I want to beg you sir to make it worth its while. Nigerians have been known to be one of the smartest group of humans on earth, yet they also exhibit plain gullibility when it matters most. Give us good value for our votes (I never voted in 2015 though) and let us truly enjoy the dividends of true Democracy. In all honesty and fairness, sincerity and truth, if I had voted in 2015 it would have been for Goodluck Jonathan, and rightly so too. I need not dwell on that part of my time but that is the simple gospel truth here.

As I replace the cover of my pen back up and cover my laptop, I want to remind you that the average Nigerian is now wiser than he was in 2015 hence politicking and downtown electioneering would not do the drill for you come next year. Your decision to rerun for office in the forthcoming election wasn’t greeted with a tenth of the enthusiasm it received in 2014 when CPC and APN merged way back. You have your work cut out for you and unless you do the unthinkable and the unexpected, I must confess to you that the journey ahead would long and the road would be very rough and tough.
I wish you the best there is, and pray that you find the good health needed to revive your image to the average Nigerian just in time for 2019.

That being said, it hasn’t been a nice time being a Nigerian under your leadership, PMB. In 2015, you won Presidency by a landslide, right now, you are losing to nobody but yourself by an ever larger margin. Watch your 6’ sir, cause this shit right here is about to get real.