Why you're still single, according to science
Why you're still single, according to science
Little ability to flirt? Little confidence in yourself? Bad experiences? Shyness, maybe?
At this time, approximately a third of the adult population in the Western world could legitimately mark "single" in the relationship state. The funny thing is that it has never been easier to meet people; So, why are there so many people alone? The evolutionary psychologist Menelaos Apostolou wanted to propose a theory. For this, he went to Reddit, a very popular forum and news aggregator.
While we all have our opinions about why finding a mate is so difficult, there is no scientific consensus on what drives the trends of social relationships. Leaving aside the speculation, we lack academic foundations on the nature of the connection that takes place between two people.
"Understanding uniqueness requires at least two explanatory levels, namely one theoretical and one empirical," says Apostolou in his study, compiled by the journal Evolutionary Psychological Science.
Empirical observations can only take us to this moment, providing simple explanations on a case-by-case basis. To get to the bottom of the matter, we need a solid theory that tells us why. Therefore, the researcher used the Reddit discussion website to gather answers to a direct question: "Guys, why are you single?"
While the question specifically focused on half of the population (men), it was not limited to heterosexual relationships, but sought deep reflections (and not so much) about why men of all sexual tendencies were not a sentimental relationship.
The 20,207 responses in the thread were reduced to 13,429 actual responses, presumably after deleting the gifs, incoherent comments about the lobsters, and the conjectures of the armchair psychologists. After a more detailed analysis, there were 6,794 quality responses that could be coded in 43 categories.
The 5 most outstanding categories
The number five category, with 421 responses, referred to having bad flirting skills. "My IQ is reduced to 40 when I talk to women," said a thoughtful reader of Reddit.
In the category number 4, was the lack of interest, with statements like "I like my freedom and privacy."
In category 3, the reason for being single was lack of effort. "I've always believed that relationships come and go by themselves," said one of the participants.
In category number 2, low self-confidence stood out. "Trust is the key, and I am blocked," clarified another person.
What is the main reason?
The number one reason why Reddit kids think they're still single, with 662 answers is ... being unattractive.
These results make it clear that there are a number of common concerns related to singleness.
Rewinding the clock to simpler times, in which many marriages were arranged or driven by social pressure or personal situation, there was very little need for men to show their charms.
Apostolou wonders if those same readers of Reddit who looked for relationships could have been more successful in pre-industrial times. The answer is that ... probably yes.
"Modern men alone often lack the ability to link, because in an ancestral pre-industrial context, the selection pressures on the mechanisms that regulated mating effort and selectivity were weak," says Apostolou.
"These skills are necessary today, because in postindustrial societies the choice of partner is not regulated or forced, but people have to find a partner for themselves."
