Kendall Jenner's Pissy Pepsi Protest - A Popcorn Lobotomy Cinecast

Video Transcript:

Aww and how satisfying is that cracking noise, eh?

It's like biting into a crispy fresh apple or meeting an entitled, talentless, self-absorbed pseudo-celeb and cracking her nose into her brain with a swift kung fu punch.

And fuck me that cellist is sweating like a pig at a bacon convention. That's disgusting.

And here's our antagonist, a jihadist woman who's pretending to sort through a family album, but is most likely plotting to blow the entire protest to kingdom come.

And with signs saying "join the conversation", I guess we can assume they are heavily in favour of "chatty Cathies".

And hawww! There's Kendall Jenner, thrusting her vagina out like a trooper despite being distracted by the poorly-dressed urban bottom-feeders strutting around causing trouble.

All they appear to want is peace, love and conversation, shouldn't be that hard it get, even without protesting, but that's ok, because anything that fucks up Kendall Jenner's charmed life is ok with me.

Wisely, the cellist has moved indoors as he was probably getting a little bit chilly on that building rooftop.

He sucks down a few gulps of caffeine-laden lolly water while he contemplates what to do about those pesky protesters outside interrupting his band practice.

Ooh and the jihadist with flashes of fire behind her, careful you don't want to set off the bomb too early, lady,

And I guess the plans have gone out the window, because the pretentious hot protesters are pissing her off so much she's just going to have to blow the shit out of them immediately.

She doesn't like conversation and no fucking protesters are going to convince her to be a more social person.

And I reckon she's got the bomb cleverly hidden in her camera there, which leads me to wonder if there's a sniper rifle in the lens, too, like that dude at the end of "The Bodyguard" who tried to take out Witney Houston.

It looks like the cellist is letting bygones be bygones and is forming a family band with the protesters. If you can't beat 'em join 'em and if you can't do that maybe you can bore them to death with your cello playing.

Kendall is still posing away, putting her best vagina forward, but it's becoming impossible to ignore the protest now that the makeshift band has formed. She's a slut and we all know sluts need to dance as soon as they hear music.

Oooh and she's spotted the cellist! Apparently he's abandoned the guitarist from earlier and is trolling for pussy, and let's face it, despite her father being transgender, we can be pretty confident

Kendall has exactly what he's trolling for not too far above the hem of her little silver dress.

And here are the cops, as always completely oblivious to the terrorist attack that is about to go down.

Somebody needs to wake them up, but they are all too busy protesting and drinking lolly water.

And finally Kendall seems to have worked out a plan!

She grabs a Pepsi and she's going to give those cops a huge caffeine and sugar hit in the hope it'll wake them up and make them pay attention to the dangerous terrorist event that's about to happen.

The jihadist has her camera lens sniper rifle trained on Kendall, but she courageously ignores it.

"Here you go, ossifer, drink this and wake the fuck up!"

And the Jihadist is ready to set off her suicide bomb and will he drink it!? Yes! Yes, he drinks it!

He's about to become alert and aware, a kind of supercop perhaps, and will most certainly detect the Islamic fundamentalist by the scarf on her head.

It appears to be working! The cop is becoming more alert and less zombielike and I think he's gonna do something, and
Kendall's pretty certain too, and everbody's cheering, and I can't wait to see what happens --

But NO! Fuck me! They cut to black on a cliffhanger like the end of the Sopranos! And I guess we'll never know how that situation plays out!

And well played Pepsi, you built up tension and never relieved it, which will almost certainly motivate people to drink your poison-assed lolly water to relieve their tension and quench their tension-parched throats!