DIabetic, Morbedly Obease, Steditary Life Style, Major Depression Disorder, and In Cronic Pain

So small disclaimer. I can't type, can't spell, and haven't discovered why I find myself sitting here about to tell who knows who my very private struggle. They say writing is therapeutic at least my therapist does. And well she costs around $200 an hr so I thought why not self-treat. It's definitely cheaper, of course, you get what you pay for right? Anyway here goes. I'm just a middle-aged guy. A father of three smart, beautiful adult age children and a lucky husband to a loving wife of 26yrs. I don't have answers just fewer questions. This tale of mine for me is dark and scary. Although I want to acknowledge that I truly understand now how lucky I am to have such a family to love and carry me till I could do it for myself. For the last ten or so years, I was blind. Couldn't see my family for the blessing they are. For a long time, I felt like they were the burden I couldn't let down. Or responsibility I couldn't fail. My one remaining guilt is that because I didn't take proper care of me, I couldn't take proper care of them. Especially my lovely wife for so many recent years I left emotionally abandoned and ever wondering if I'll even be alive the next morning. You see I was on a downward spiral, one that I couldn't see happening for a very long time. This last October 17th to be exact. I had my eyes and mind forced open. My Doctor of the last five or so years, because of fear of the new "political" clymate and fear of losing his license I belive, just stopped my pain medications cold turkey after ten years of everyday use. Without any pryor knowledge or consent. Hindsite being what it is. After I wished a lot of evil shit on him. That day was the most pivital day of my life.

More to come if anyone cares. Sorry I couldn't figure out how to indent a paragragh on here so hope this is readable.