Open letter to my son

Dear son,

Why am I doing this? I guess it is theraphy. why does it seem that there is a war of sexes? Three months ago, I gave birth to a lovely little boy. i didn't love him at first. I didn't connect with him whilst he was inside my womb. you see? His dad did me such a great wrong. when I found out I was pregnant with him? I was not happy.Even as I type this and I am looking down at him as he sleeps, I am filled with awe now. His little life and little wiggly movements. I wonder why his father did it. There is a lot of evil in this world without us having to add more. His dad, a once trusted friend. Now all he is to me is a great traitor. I sit and ask myself a lot of questions. Like why did I not realise that I was letting a wolf into the hen house. His dad turned out to be an abuser.

When I found out that I was going to be a mother, I wanted so bad to get rid of him. I cried and cried and cried. Should the victim carry the spawn of her attacker?I never told my family why I ran but I look down at my son now and I have so much hope. I wonder what kind of man he will be. I never thought that I could feel such love for some one I grew inside me and just recently met for the first time. Domestic abuse or abuse in any form is not good to endure. It isnt good for a ma to do to a woman or for a woman to do to a man.

I get sad when I think back to that time. The night my power was taken from me. I intend to love this child. He is a part of me. I can do it. I know I can. Will I be ever happy again? I know that I no longer trust. I went through the process of even studying to put him up for adoption, but when I saw that little face and heard his first cries, I knew that I had to keep him and try to make the world a better place for him.

I never exposed his dad, not to protect him, but out of the shame of scrutiny. Writing this, is a way to heal for me. I need to write out my pain so I can move forward. I always wonder why we as humans can be so wicked and uncaring to each other. But in this world, all I can do is teach my baby how to value his fellow man and to be as good as he can. I love my boy fiercely. I would take on the world for him.

He is my blessing and the reason that I know I can speak out against abuse. To the abused? It is not your fault. The strongest thing and smartest thing you can do is walk away. No relationship is worth your sanity, self worth, respect. I almost lost mine. The ultimate revenge to destroy me was to take the last set of love I have for myself and turn it against me. He abandoned us, and laughed at our plight, my dear son . He left me to decide if I should keep you or abort you. He knew I was looking to leave him because of the abuse and in once cruel action to exert his need for control he made sure I would never forget. I blame myself. I should have ran sooner.

Because your dad hurt me emotionlly, physically and left me broken and for dead, didnt meant that I should not give you a chance. and now? I am glad I did. You are my blessing. everytime I was hospitalised with you and faced death, was worth it. Everytime your father abused me and tried to end you in me, made having you so much better. I chose you son. I choose you and it will always be you. I am sorry that your dad is not here for you, but he had the chance but didnt take it.

I will aways be here for you. I walked away because I could not let you endure what I endured with your dad too. Son? When you get a man, please treat all women with respect as much as it lies in you, please don't hit them, don't emotionally abuse them. You can't control them. Please respect them.

Treat people with respect son, be kind to as much as you can. Rise above your roots. I look at you now, and I love you so much. I want the world for you. Be a better man than your dad was.Be all that you can be.