Neurodiversity — The story of a life clumsy with ADHD and full of Bullies

I don’t fully remember how this journey began but from documents I know when and I also remember the circumstance that led to my diagnose, last week I lost my job because people who I trusted could not cope with me any longer, so they made up reasons to get rid of me. I am tired of this repeating part of the story of my life, and I feel powerless against judgmental people thinking they’re a notch above me because of the person they think I am. But let me rewind to the beginning and share some of this with y’all.
The year was 1989, the place an elementary school in Aschaffenburg, Germany, the person in front of me my first-grade teacher (forgot your name sorry). Yet again I had stood out because when I had courses like religion or topics I wasn’t interested in or didn’t get support to be interested in, I usually behaved like a mini clown, I remember one day during religion class I packed my bag and just walked home, nobody stopped me. I was a pure child of 7 years, and this was my first lesson in life, I was called out by my teacher in front of my entire class and asked “What is wrong with you boy, why are you like that?” from what I heard from old colleagues my reaction was simple, I laughed and said “Nothing is wrong, I am just bored and want to go home and play with my new Lego set”.
From that day on the other kids thought I was simply stupid, and their parents told them better not to play with this boy, perhaps they were afraid I would make their kids stupid too?
Of course, back than I didn’t know all that, all I experienced was how other kids started to avoid me didn’t want to play me, pushed me, beat me and whatever else kids do when they’re confronted with a person that is different. In short, I was an easy victim for kids that started a career as bullies.
Close to the end of my first year a man came to the school, he was friendlier to me and seemed to understand and connect better to me, mister Bach. He asked me out of class sat down with me and played a few logic games and puzzles with me, we had a good time. Later he spoke with my parents and convinced them to talk with a child psychiatrist because, while intelligent he had the suspicion, I had ADHD.
The diagnose was later positive, I had to do all sorts of tests like puzzles, EEG and so on.
Because I was such a harasser, I didn’t pass the first grade because my teacher thought I was not ready to move onto the 2nd grade, I was able to read, write, do math’s better than any other but the school’s principal recommended to put me into the school for special needs children of mister Bach. Here again I was learning way faster as the rest of my class, but everyone was so much more understanding, I made a lot of friends and we had fun together and learned until the day my teachers called my parents in and told them, I was too smart and for my grade far away and it would be unfair for my further development to keep me in that school. I found documents stating that medicated I had an IQ of over 130 and without around 100, because without I could not focus enough and was distracted by sounds and my environment. If I was into a topic a learned, it in no time if I was not my focus would not last very long.
I left the special needs school and returned to 3rd grade into the normal school, the principal didn’t want me in the school, but the system demanded he should have me. Of course, the kids thought I was stupid, and the bullying continued. I started fighting back made a few friends but overall, I was mostly alone, build my Lego, dreamed away in my illustrated nonfiction books.
Later my dad took me to tech fairs and flea markets where I found a new thing for me building computers, my first pc I’ve build when I was around 9, I learned how to jumper boards and calculate a front side bus, learned to program out of magazines, designed little computer games because the virtual and fantasy world was way kinder to me than reality. I’m very artistic started to compose music when I was 12, started writing later and got into oil drawing. Of course, game and sound design and today VR are very big topics for me. I simply love to contribute and make the world a better place and capture the results the ways I can.
I finished school later, started working and going to the night school to get my high school and college later.
As the years passed by, my ADHD didn’t go away like in some cases, so I kept taking the focus drugs to be able to master my life.
I am now 38 and myself father of a wonderful little boy, he is becoming 3 this year, speaks already 3 languages (Russian, German, English) and I couldn’t be prouder about every little achievement this tiny person is accomplishing.
In the beginning I stumbled through my life because I was so lost and didn’t like to be where I am and nobody would give me a chance to proof myself, so I stumbled from job to job from trial to trial, people who told me who I was, and I believed them. Bosses who tried to change who I am and told me my communication is bad, my thinking is wrong, my way of doing my job is wrong, just to realize I was right and do it my way.
I made decisions impulsively to work more efficient and instead of thanking me thinking out of the box and telling my team hey look what this guy did I was called out as the guy that does what he wants, over and over just because being impulsive. In 90% of the cases I was simply ahead of whomever had the say about me, but they were pissed not to be the one that came up with it, instead of discussing it with me and getting one for the entire team. It is how it is, often I was frustrated but I learned to handle myself to just follow the way I am told to do things. Still, it can happen, once I understood a process or a code pattern or whatever the job is deep enough, I just improve it automatically.
I know from many people who are the same that they had luck and It went the positive route, but in my case I suppose maybe it’s how I look or explain things, how say it, how my voice sounds, whatever it is or was.
Life taught me never to give up be tough and fight for yourself, for having an impact on this world and of course now for my family.
I believe that people of different neuro diversities are one of the most unsupported groups today it is a sub-group of every single diversity group,
• people of color are part a of it
• transgender personalities, women, men are a part of it
• gay people are a part of it
No matter what you believe, how you dress, what you love you might be a part of this group just because you might be different from the inside and reflect it to the outside.
We are a group that has no other difference than the way we behave, think, or even just being received.
We are the Asperger’s, ADHD, Dyslectic (and so many more) people of this planet.
Many of us use it as a gift a superpower that helps us solve complicated problems, multitask with 20 different people at the same time, the list goes on and on…
But many of us are also mavericks, people nobody takes serious, people that are sad and alone, depressed because they can’t find friend, people who get fired for being too enthusiastic or talk too much.
As I mentioned I was fired last week, after pursuing a dream of mine I wanted to work as Test Engineer in the company I work for 12 years, because helping People, Software Quality and Coding are my bread and butter.
My boss didn’t like my openness to treat everyone as an equal, to coach whoever asked me for it.
I have one simple rule in life treat everyone like you want to be treated yourself.
I often spoke with folks high above me about life and their vision of it and about what we work on, to learn her/his vision of it, but it was out of my chain of command.
Overall, I must say a person that is a people manager that is putting the company above everything, who cares more about his own image instead of the image of the group of people under him should not be responsible for people.
I remember a quote my old manager once told me about an open-door policy:
“These people are not your friends and just because the door is open it doesn’t mean to go through it”.

I was let go because I became too annoying to enthusiastic.
I spoke up myself with my HR partner, reported I had ADHD, I was told ok, in order to receive help from us we need something from a doctor. No problem, I got them an assessment from a psychotherapist and one from my psychiatrist both static this person has so and so level of ADHD with severe symptoms.
HR told me it was not enough and would not state how the company could help me, support myself with it, I spoke again to my doctors and was told there is nothing we could write up because situations are different and its absolute spontaneous so we write you a list of symptoms so HR can find something how to help you.
I returned to HR and was told that doesn’t state anything we can do to help and I said, it is very simple, you can read here I sometimes do things spontaneous, like changing a certain way we use to do things to do my job more efficient, or I say something my manager doesn’t like, so don’t have my Boss punishing me for it and advise them simply to ask me why I did what I did, it happens once maybe twice a year it is not like something I do all the time.
I was told it would be unfair to my peers if I got a special treatment.
Whatever ideas I had it was blocked by HR if your doctor doesn’t advise us to adjust to your behavior than we can’t help you.
When they asked so is there anything we can do to help, I replied “No, if you can’t think of something yourself”. That was that.
I was given the ability to take unpaid time off but for the price of filling out lengthy paperwork and my “disability” was not recognized.

I share this whole story here because I want you to know, you are not alone if you go through a similar situation, please don’t be afraid of getting fired, speak up. Because if you don’t, you’ll get fired anyway one day.
The end of my story is I got laid off, lost my visa support to work in the US, without severance package, as a European with a 2.5-year-old son and wife and an entire household. I had to create a GoFundMe campaign to finance my way back to Europe, wherever that may be.
After a covid year and leaving me in the believe that everything was ok, no warning cold and without sympathy I figured it is time to speak up to a broader audience and share this to build awareness.
I am positive we will be just fine and I have my hopes up that one day people start understanding that there are people out there that are different, people that need 5 hours to do a technical test instead of the regular 1 hour. It doesn’t mean I don’t know what I’m doing. It is like when you drive 40 in a 40 zone and people speed up, in most cases you meet them again at the traffic light.

So, long people, I wrote this like a real ADHD person jumping from topic to topic and back and forth... whatever just listen to “Wild Things” (good song).