Netflix review for Troy: The Odyssey

Oh boy, I believe I've found an unknown classic, I'm at the 2:28 mark and Odysseus is about to bang his wife Penelope after they get done having grade school Christmas play quality dialogue. Oh snap never mind the sex he's gotta go on his Odyssey, little does he know that was his last chance to bed his wife for an insane amount of time. The fat trooper farve from Super Troopers just walked in and interrupted them claiming that it's time for bed in your wife is over and now it's time to prepare for war.
Who paid for this movie to be made? And I always baffles me when I see a movie with such a low level of quality and by that I mean high-level this movie is awesome. Oh my God it's classic he wasn't even outside of ear shots range when his wife started going into labor but of course he didn't notice and just kept going. I'm also seeing that Odysseus appears to be a little overweight, not severely but just like he's been eating a lot of soy so his arms are getting flabby and he's probably got some boobs. Wow they're skipping around real fast it's already to the Trojan Horse. I didn't even show them traveling to Troy. This is going to be extremely bad if they don't ever do any scenes on the boat considering the majority of his journey took place there. I can't wait to see the quality of the Cyclops. I'm 10 minutes and 55 seconds in and they're already inside the Trojan Horse I'm going to give this a A plus with two thumbs up and I highly recommend that Tim Heidecker should review this movie.