A letter to all those terribly annoying neighbours out there

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                                Enough With Your Rotten Sound-proofing and Dirty Hedge Trimmer
                            
        Dear James,

I have always felt ecstatic living near to you. You are the most pointy neighbour a person could ever meet.

Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.

I'm afraid I can no longer stand your unsightly garden ornament.

I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your sound-proofing is too rotten and your hedge trimmer way too dirty. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a dog collar

I have to insist that you take action to stop your unsightly garden ornament from upsetting me. I demand that you clean up then give up drum playing.

And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your barking dog increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a classy neighbourhood like Wysteria Lane.

If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the coast guard and post photos of your unsightly garden ornament on Pinterest.

Furthermore, I have close ties with the mafia and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.

Thanks
satochi