My letter I wrote my neighbour before I left

Image source

                                Enough With Your Loud Dog and Booming Sound-proofing
                            
        Dear Mavis,

I have always felt annoyed living near to you. You are the most spiffing neighbour a person could ever meet.

Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.

I'm afraid I can no longer stand your smelly gerbils.

I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your dog is too loud and your sound-proofing way too booming. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a drumstick

I have to insist that you take action to stop your smelly gerbils from upsetting me. I demand that you paint the fence then give up drum playing.

And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your drum playing increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a respectable neighbourhood like Wysteria Lane.

If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the police and post photos of your smelly gerbils on Tumblr.

Furthermore, I have close ties with the mafia and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.

Thanks
a-poetry-fanatic