I have been drawn back to this post. I'm battling everyone in a fight for healing, and it is not working. I was thinking about how to surrender to what is and how it causes conflict within me as I continue to desperately search for a cure for something that is slowly taking me, but completely unacknowledged.
I was thinking about the months you spent waiting and grieving, I have deleted the long post I wrote because it was irrelevant and waffled around in facts and failed to acknowledge anything that was important. It took some reflection and to come back to this post and the important message you convey. I don't know how to accept what may be, whether it is a long term change in function or indeed terminal. I don't know the difference between giving up and going on. They look the same and neither are working for me.
It is time to surrender. That is the difference. That is what I hear from you. Surrendering is neither giving up or fighting, stopping or starting. It feels like being inbetween, a passageway as wide as eternity and as acute and narrow as the deepest chasm all at once, and neither encumbering or distant when surrendered to.
Thank you for sharing your story.