The Narc Chronicles, Episode 1

The characters in this series are entirely fictional. Any resemblance between these characters and real living individuals is a mere coincidence.

In today's edition of The Narc Chronicles, I'd like introduce you to Joe Schmo.

Joe Schmo is married to Cruella De Ville.

The couple owns a miniature car, a dog that originally cost $1400, and they have four children. Two of the children belong to Cruella. Two of the children belong to me. Does Joe own any of these children? Well it seems so...

One of the children owned by Joe says his nightmares are filled with the voices of interrogators - and the thing he is most afraid of is being interrogated by Joe Schmo. One time, Joe found the boy had been given a new phone. This was immediately confiscated to be used to spy on me. The entirety of my Facebook account was screenshot. Joe now possesses incredible amounts of screenshots that should hopefully raise his IQ, and lots of pictures of my other kids.

The other child, Joe believes he owns, but he doesn't. This one says he's being emotionally abused. I can't stop it, except to tell him how to handle bad situations in the future.

This other, younger child is sad, because Joe punishes him for being hungry. Apparently if this child manages to get any extra food at school, he is punished. Today he was punished for buying a bag of chips and a water bottle (instead of milk) at school.

Joe wears designer clothes, and dresses his wife and her children up in brand new clothes all the time. One time Joe sent his kids to school with no coats, and said it was my fault. It was 20 degrees outside that day.

In conclusion, Joe is rich, and yet, very poor.

Don't be a Joe.