i live on the 8th floor of course i have suicidal thaughts.

well ive been putting this of and putting this of and so i figured may as well just start somewhere and i wont keep kicking myself everyday for not writing this shit down. if anyone can benifit wether its coz the can relate or even just be entertained or possibly even learn something or even just make you see the world with my reflection on it.. not everything i say will make sence ill warn you but will be interesting to see how that nonsence is interpreted. :) and im just a baby steemer taking my first steps so excuse my poor form lol.
Today was probably the most overwhelming day of my recovery process so far and about 3 hrs ago i was a mess in tears and honestly contemplating diving of my balcony of my 8th floor apartment.. either that or over dosing od fanta (ghb) i decided that death mby OD'ing on fantasy couldnt be pretty and the thaught of someone finding me covered in my own piss and shit and vomit wasnt something that apealed to me greatly. by this time my short attention span has my mind wandering of onto some other probably unrelated matter and the suiciade subsides somewhat .
im 3 months into my court diversion program which is an alternitave to going back to jail. 6 months in bandyland (perths only female remand prison at that stage)it involves activly participating in a drug abuse treatment and 3 piss tests a week which monitered by the courts. ive been comletey uprfront with them as in i te ask any medication bbefore i piss in a lil cup for them.jees im dribbling shit by now but yeah so u get the gist im on court ordered bail with protective condiaxaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa < that was me dozing of with my finger on the a butn..and i set of for kalakabardi in a week to give rehabb a go see if i can kick this habbit i have thats destroyed me ... so ill do my best to bring you along for the ride... coz i do believe this will have some kind of appeal to surely someone....peace out xxx