I often get asked whether I go through the things I sing about.  Just like most musicians, inspiration needs to come from somewhere - love, music, art, scenery,  and yes, life experiences - including pain.  My debut album is all about it, pain.  I'm going to do a short series of my tracks, and my inspirations. 

This is me, my vulnerable self. I am putting "it" out there.  

Song #4 - Take A Breath (Pain Album) - FREE DOWNLOAD BELOW

Out of all of my songs, still to this day, "Take a Breath" happens to be one of the most  dear tracks to me.  It also is one of the best metaphorically and lyrically in my opinion.  It's a song about death, and how one coping with the death of a loved one feels.  

For anyone that has had a loved one die, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the pain you've felt and I hope you have found the light.  If you haven't, it will come in time. Time is of essence.  For those who haven't felt the pain, hopefully this track can shed light on what 'we' feel, and how we see the world during such times.

I was working on the music video and never got it finished.  Instead I just have a little teaser trailer finished

A Little Background

When I was 19, my best friend died. He killed himself when he was 18 years old.  He wasn't just my best friend, but he was my cousin by blood. He wasn't just a cousin though, he was a brother to me. We grew up together since we were in diapers, and our birthdays were in the same month. Growing up I'd often think of him as a twin brother even though, he definitely got the looks and the lazy 6-pack abs - he didn't ever work out, they were just there.  We shared our most intimate thoughts, that is until we were in high school. 

I recall the time I heard of his death. He had been missing for a couple days.  The missing was blown off as a, "Well, you know him, he does this kind of thing all the time," kind of thing.  They thought he had gone to Vegas on a whim.  However, his car was out front, dented from either an accident from being high, or from wanting to end his life on the way home.  No note was left, but he had uncashed pay stubs from his job. I want to tell you all how amazing he is, but that will have to be in another story.   As I heard of the news, I sobbed for a week straight, and locked myself in a room.  I felt the only way to get my mind off it all was do sketch him.  I finished the colored sketch, framed it, and gave it to his mother, my aunt.

We then went up to the funeral. We stayed at my grandma's house, a large two story house built in the late 60's.  He had a lot of his belongings there, too, because his family was living there, and he had just moved out that summer to live with his dad 5 hours south. I remember standing at the doorway of his room and watch his mother pack his things in black bags, wanting to go through it and have some keepsakes. Her mind was too occupied to even offer, so I slid in and took a couple things unnoticed - a cap, a tank top, and his cologne. 

At his funeral, I got to carry his casket. It was a surreal experience. It was a beautiful day, his grave was to be on a cliche type of hill in a small town.  It's a beautiful cemetery. Practically half his high school was there, perhaps around 100 kids - watching, weeping. My uncles were there as well carrying it with me. We put the casket down. I got to listen to my grandpas infuriating speech that included jokes, and bible references of suicide and purgatory or more of a limbo place.

Let's start talking about the song.

Verse 1

The song is broken into 2 verses, not the standard 3. The first verse is about the pain and suffering, and the second verse is reaching the light and getting out of it.

I mentioned that I was a pallbearer at his funeral, and the uncontrollable sobbing. I was in a dark place at the time as well. 

"Take a breath, is it your last one, you're getting suicidal now because someone you loved passed on. And as you stand there as the pallbearer, carrying the casket, you're wishing this would pass on. It all happened so fast, reminisce of the past, think about what you said last time. Nobody knows your pain. You're life is a bone. It's broken, except you have a permanent cast on.  

And those who feel this way, are supposed to just be happy...right.

You put your mask on, just like a mascot. You want to show people you're fun and get your laugh on. But little they know, you ain't Bozo the clown, no, on the contrary, you're a Vincent Van Gogh. 

Here's some imagery for you.

Just a week ago you were living life, floating care free on an open ocean on a boat until this tragedy happened. In comes storm, tidal waves form  crashing, coming up over the side and up front smashing the bow, pushing you around. You're wondering if your gonna hang on, gonna fall out, or gonna drown.  Undoubtedly it's gonna capsize, it's hopeless, it's over, and you're wondering to yourself, "how you ever gonna cope with?" the fact that you ain't ever gonna see them for a single moment, so when you dream of them you want to capture the memory and hold it. 

I remember all the dreams I had at that time. Some where nightmares, but I loved them just the same. I would have had nightmares each night if that meant seeing him in my sleep. I thought about getting a phone call from him from where ever he was to just give me one message. I thought about playing with a Quija board, or getting white noise recordings from his cemetery. 

You cherish nightmares because it brings you closer, think about the ways that you can phone them, or conjure up there spirit and bones so you can hold them, and tell them that you love them, and hope it brings you closure. But in the end you know it probably won't, you ain't a soldier - just a pastry before, but your centers gone you got a hole. That makes you a doughnut, don't it? 

I love the imagery of having our center gone, a piece of us is missing, like a doughnut.  How about a little tribute to Simon and Garfunkel.

Might be an island but you ain't a stone yet. Like a castle, draw your bridge back, feel your mote up. Tell everyone you know that you want  be alone but deep inside, you're really only hoping for a solo shoulder to cry on.

So although, we want to be alone, we also need that shoulder...someone to hug when were sobbing. We're not looking for advice per say, but just an ear.

Verse 2

So, now to overcome this dark feeling.  I like the imagery of some one rising from the ashes, like smoke. I also love kung fu, so I love the imagery of "releasing a tiger".

"I'm the match, I'm gonna light and spark that fire, you're the smoke that rises.  It is time to fight 'cause you're a survivor, but you got to strive like an 'energizer', leave this crisis behind you. I promise if you 'release the tiger', you'll look out past the horizon, and beyond the dark cloud that you see is a silver lining. Extend your hand, lend me your ear, let my voice be your guidance. Drop the mask. Do you hear me? Swear to me no more disguises. 

In the end, one who is in the darkness must realize they are only there because of themselves. They have the controller to climb out.  It's your movie, your kingdom.  You need to come back strong like a train, because if you don't there is only darkness below, only the bottom, and if you are a rock, it will take much more to get you up.  Become a Hulk, become a Superman.

This is your movie, pick up the remote controller. Lay the tracks down, shoot right out like a locomotive. This is your kingdom, rip that king off the throne. You may be down, but don't you know? Life goes up like a roller coaster. It's time you soar high above everyone else like a Pterasaur or, a better metaphor would be the Man of Steel, you can't be stopped, you can't be killed. Not even kryptonite could take away this better feeling. How do you expect to break the cycle your in when you're spinning like a Ferris Wheel? If you don't change the path, you might be the rock when "it" hits bottom- pondering the thought of rotting. Marvel time, shoot for stardom. Hulk take out the walls, tear down this leaking ceiling, When you do, then it's time you can start rebuilding. I'm here to help your health, so lets kick start that healing. I'm a pinch of medicine, so you can call me penicillin. And if I have you feeling it don't matter if you believe in me, what matters is you believe in you.

Here is the full track

 In closing, if you liked the tracks and would like the album free, DOWNLOAD HERE . It's available on CD baby, Amazon, itunes, etc, but I'd rather share it directly. If you dig the album and if you want to contribute a little Steem (Not sure if that is possible..??), please feel free to do so or try. You can at the very least  resteem this post! Right?