My Original Song "Awakening" // My Musical Journey Part 4
My Original Song "Awakening" // My Musical Journey Part 4
Unhealthy Attachments
When I was younger I used to become attached to people in an unhealthy way.
I didn't know or understand during that time that I was doing it as an attempt to fill the emptiness that was inside of me.
I felt incomplete and I was looking for someone to "complete" me.
Each failed relationship left me shattered, devastated and broken because it left me feeling like an empty void or a shell of a person.
I wrote Awakening after a failed relationship with someone who was a bit older. The age difference always bothered him and I had a feeling he would be ending our relationship.
He was the only person who ever actually gave me parting gifts before breaking up with me. One day he came over to my place and brought a computer, a futon, and a huge glass table.
A few days later he ended things. lol
The Missing Piece
Around this time of my life, a friend gave me a book called
The Missing Piece by Shel Silverstein.
On the surface I understood its meaning regarding retaining an independent identity and looking within yourself to find happiness, but I still did not fully internalize how much I really needed to understand the meaning of this book and its direct relationship to how I was during that time of my life.
I often think about this book and I'm thankful for my friend who gave it to me.
Our minds are funny that way in that sometimes others can so easily see what we fail to see within ourselves.
Awakening
On the surface, Awakening may seem like just a break-up song, but it really was the catalyst for changing my life.
At the time, I still didn't understand the psychology behind my unhealthy attachments, but I knew I needed to change by creating my own happiness instead of looking to others to create happiness within me.
I also knew that I needed a sense of purpose.
I got a cat, bought a guitar, a keyboard, a bass, a computer, and built a small recording studio.
Still not understanding my tendency toward extremes, I did end up swinging in the opposite direction. I spent all my time working on music which completely fulfilled my sense of purpose and happiness, but I didn't leave room for anything else.
I unintentionally built up a wall when it came to other people. I didn't need them anymore to be happy or to fill an empty void that was inside of me.
I no longer had unhealthy attachments or obsessive and overly intense feelings when it came to others, but I also often felt nothing at all.
I've been working on finding emotional balance ever since that time.
Awakening
I can't believe I let you hold me down
I hung around
Was lost, then found
How you lied to me with every chance you could
You were never there for me
This is how our story ends
Now tell me
How does it feel to be alone?
How does it feel to only care about yourself?
How does it feel to be as lonely as you wanted to be?
Do you even feel at all?
I don't know
'Cuz you were never there for me at all
I didn't think that you would treat me like you would
'Cuz I thought you were meant for me
And you seem to think you're so misunderstood
But you know you were never there for me
How does it feel to be alone?
How does it feel to only care about yourself?
How does it feel to be as low as you can possibly be?
Did you ever feel anything at all?
I don't know
'Cuz you were never there for me at all
And if this is where our story ends
Then it's where another one begins
This one is way more pop than your usual tunes. Less vibey stuff (which I like a lot).
On the other hand, I'm also quite into pop songwriting (as you probably know), so this resinates pretty good with me, just in a different way is all.
I'm actually a little bit (pleasantly) surprised to hear this coming out of you!
Definitely radio type writing !
Thank you!!! Yes, this was during the early years.....before I turned to the dark side lol
You'll notice it still has that minor chord vibe in some places... :-)
I keep trying to talk to her to write some poppy stuff. She just ignores me and sends me to the store for Cheezits.
Keep at it, the squeaky wheel get's the grease ;)
Sorry to hear about your past relationships :/ Also, I can relate to being locked up in your room working on things. I make music as well and I draw, so I spend a lot of time at my place in my room. It's very different from before because 4 years ago, I'd also be hanging out with people. One thing that's different with me though is the fact that I don't usually feel nothing when it comes to others. I do have a habit of imagining things from their point of view though so maybe that helps me out a lot, I'm not 100% sure. Your song was awesome by the way and I'm going to follow you on soundcloud. I look forward to more of your music. Thank you for sharing. Take care!
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment! I've followed you as well :)
I like this one! There is a hint of the dark side in there \m/
Thanks! Yes, this was the beginning of the darkside lol
Hey I am huge fan of Shel Silverstein - his poems always inspired me as a kid. Glad to see he has left a positive impression on others as well!
We can't see anything until we can see it, just like we can't know until we know. It all works out when it's supposed to and I'm glad it's working out. <3
Thank you my wise friend <3
Nice song especially Awakening. Everyone in one of their life has experience heartbreak and can relate to your song.
Missing piece, you are right. Sometimes, you need to find the happiness in you than depending on others to create one for you.
I will go look for the Missing Piece book. Since it helped you, it can do the same with me
Thank you, yes finding happiness within yourself is so important.
I had attachment issues when I was 16. I fell in love with a 13 year old girl and the realtionship initially seemed to be having a headway. I guess I gave in too much. I called her almost every damn hour. All my passwords were her name. I wrote whole poems about her. I woudn't sleep fine if I don't see her for one day. I even tatooed her name on my chest. Nelly met an older, richer and more successful man. Things fell apart. She told me she coun't love me anymore and every effort to contend the impending trauma proved abortive. We broke up. I felt like killing myself. I attempted twice but my Mom rescued me in both. I learnt my lesson about excessive attachments that year. Your song brings back so many memories. Thank you @isaria
It's a hard lesson to learn, but I'm glad you found a positive light out of it.
Yes, I "woke" ❤️
Another lovely song! This one is interesting in that it's not quite the same style as what I've heard from you in the past, but I like it a lot!
The early years Amber....before I became jaded and cranky lol
LOL, you just need more cheezits... :-)
I've been thinking about redoing my parody song Nuggetville and recording it to put on soundcloud, should I change the name to Cheezitville? :-)
Thanks for sharing your music and your experience... I also had a really bad relationship when I was young... he "muted" my personality, my love for the things I love, as if ashamed, and shattered my confidence in so many ways. It was decades ago already, but sometimes I regret I didn't "wake up" earlier. Either way, that triggered a new journey for me, in which I started being myself and not what others wanted me to be. Lovely production by the way, and thanks for sharing the story behind the song.
I can relate, glad that you found a positive journey! Sometimes going through those horrible times is often the catalyst for huge change and personal growth.
Beautiful lines @isaria