Guest post by @ailindigo: Song of the day #6
One more time I didn't know which song I could write about today, this week I didn't feel any especific emotion, or it seemed like that; the real thing is that most of the time I'm always thinking/worrying about something and suffering because of it of course. Today I listened a song for the first time and I could relate myself to it a lot, it showed I did have something happening inside myself this week.
Source
Civilian
Civilian is the fifth track from the third studio album Civilian by the indie rock band Wye Oak that was released on March 8th 2011. You may know this song because of The Walking Dead since it was featured in one of this series episode, as well as in other series and movies. This song has a powerful sound that matches the lyrics wonderfully and gives me this sense of battle and internal strength.
Lyrics
"I am nothing without pretend
I know my thoughts, can't live with them
I am nothing without a man
I know my faults, but I can't hide them
I still keep my baby teeth
In a bedside table with my jewelry
You still sleep in the bed with me
My jewelry and my baby teeth
I don't need another friend
When most of them I can barely keep up with
I'm perfectly able to hold my own hand
But I still can't kiss my own neck
I wanted to give you everything
But I still stand in awe of superficial things
I wanted to love you like my mother's mother's mothers did
Civilian
Civilian."
This person is aware of what is wrong with her and knows there's nothing she can do but cope with them and do the best she can, rather than just staying in her faults she's gotta move on and carry on with her life. But though she knows she has issues and faults and that she's gotta carry on, she doesn't want to be alone even if her relationship is not working anymore, she has trouble thinking of her as a single person. Then she mentions her "baby teeth" and this is a metaphor I really liked, it could represent her childhood and the innocence she had at that time, though she's an adult woman she doesn't forget about the good part of her past, the "jewelry" refers to the adult she is now. And the fact that "he still sleeps in the bed with her, her jewelry and baby teeth" could also refer to that part of the past when they were a happy couple who shared bed, the good part of the past of being an adult, when there wasn't a growing emotional rift between them; also that she is having a hard time dealing with her faults and so the way she's not holding that childhood innocence anymore. The "another man" phrase would refer to them as remaining friends after their failure as a couple, something that she can't stand. "Holding her own hand" means that she can take care of herself, and "kissing her own neck" refers to her desire of a lover, someone who is there for her. In the final parts she says she wanted to love him, but she just focused in her own stuff instead of him, it seems that somehow she feels guilty for that, she's aware of those faults, because she wasn't prepared for loving him the way she wanted to; so this mas was somehow a victim of her while she was in war with herself, he was just a civilian. I particularly could relate to this song because I'm kind of having an internal fight this way too, and I even care about not letting victims, one of the things I care the most in the battle in fact. This song really reminded me I was having this fight, and that I gotta pay attention to it.
I haven't listened to the full album yet but I'm looking forward to do so, this song really got me so I have high expectations regarding this album. I will let it here for you to listen if you also want to :)
https://open.spotify.com/album/6mR3R5fkz3PQQZJOtlUpi2?si=rxWUzof_QnWbHJ-PqlVihQ
Thanks for reading and listening! Tell me what you think about this song! :)
