Movie rewiew #1 Jurassic "oops we didn't pay the electic bill "Park

I will begin this by saying if you are looking for proper comma placement, expert movie reviews from professional, and no spoilers i suggest finding Siskel and Ebert. These are purely my own opinion and meant to be entertaining. Enjoy!

Jurassic Park will always hold a special place in my heart as it was the first movie I ever saw in theaters and my father brought me to it. This is before the 13 prescription medicines he was prescribed and a wicked divorce. So in other words he was able to stay awake. I have a room in my headed to just Jurassic Park posters and memorabilia. It is my favorite movie of all time and one of the first movies to utilize CGI and magnificently if I do say so.

Jurassic Park is about a billionaire who has found a way to clone dinosaurs using blood owned in mosquitoes that are trapped in fossilized tree sap. Hey that's totally believable, if you expect people to be able have the best luck in the entire world to be able to miraculously find a mosquito that just happen to bit the dinosaur before it got stuck. I guess the movie wouldn't be interesting if they cloned 1 million year old albino slugs. The billionaire John Hammond played by Attenborough who apparently thinks wearing an all white outfit after Labor day is acceptable, invites a cradle robbing child hating paleontologist play by Alan Grant, a lovely paleobotanist who is more desperate to have children with Alan then Bill Cosby is to get a mistrial, and Ian Malcolm who is supposed to be a brilliant " preacher of Chaos Theory" yet wore all black including a leather jacket to a tropical island played by Jeff Goldblum. They are joined by the money hungry coupon pushing short short wearing terrible babysitter with bladder control issues lawyer and Hammonds grandchildren who do nothing but talk scream and make stupid decisions. They are brought to an island off of Costa Rica to view a park not yet open to the public that will house dinosaurs. Everyone seems to be very anti dinosaur besides the lawyer who with the exception of a coupon day is only interested in money. We find out that the dinosaurs are being cloned by blood found in mosquitoes as I mentioned earlier preserved in Amber. They use frog DNA to complete the DNA strands. Working at the park apparently during a weekend break because there's only 5 people there but who needs staff when there's 20 ton dinosaur running around are the ever so fluffy Newman from Seinfeld "Dennis Nedry" the game warden Robert Muldoon who I can only describe as the Crocodile Hunter if he were the cover art of a romantic novel and of course the African American that is in every movie ever Samuel L Jackson "Mr Arnold". We see from the get-go that Dennis nedry is not being paid enough and is planning on stealing embryos for a competing company by hiding them in the most elaborate shaving cream can of all time. We see our first dinosaur, a Brachiosaurus or long neck for all you little foot lovers out there. Before long we find out that dr. Grant's arch nemesis the Velociraptor has been cloned. We see a cow being fed to them and yet miraculously have absolutely no blood on the torn apart harness that is pulled out of the Raptor enclosure. We Begin the tour with motorized cars and annoying children but like the characters in the movie are disappointed when the Tyrannosaurus and the poison spitting Dilophosaurus no show. Ian Malcolm shamelessly attempts to pick up dr. Ellie Sattler right in front of Grant but Grant is far too busy gazing off into the distance to what we find out is a second Triceratops which is a life-size animatronic and absolutely fantastic. We see Ellie playing around in has he in Malcolm refers to it one big pile of sh#%. The group minus Ellie gets back into the vehicles due to an oncoming tropical storm. Yeah let's not check the weather forecast before we have a group of scientist coming to check out an island housed by prehistoric creatures and only five employees. Nedry shuts down the systems in the park so he can get his embryos and get to the dock. The shutdown ends up causing fences to fail all over Park. Our group happens to have stopped right in front of a dinosaur Paddock. Which brings us to in my opinion one of the greatest CGI and movie moments of all time, nd probably the scene most often on my TV whilst engaging in activities with girls. I'm of course talking about the debut of Sexy Rexy the Tyrannosaurus! The lawyer runs away from the children and hides in the bathroom as the T-Rex escapes and lets out a roar that drops panties. The T-Rex ends up attacking the children's car because when they see a 20 foot tall 65 million-year-old dinosaur their first instinct is to shine a flashlight at it. Smooth. Dr. Grant lights of flare in an attempt to distract the Tyrannosaurus because clearly it likes fireworks and then Ian Malcolm does the same only the Tyrannosaurus decides to chase him breaking through the strategically placed bathroom that the lawyer was hiding in. Being the lawyer and clearly evil he gets eaten. No big loss in at least the T-Rex doesn't have to worry about too much fabric or hair getting caught in his throat. The T-Rex pushes the car still housing little Timmy over the cliff which 10 minutes earlier was a 3 foot step down. But who cares. TREX. We find our villain Dennis nedry completely lost on an island that he works on and stuck on a small waterfall. He runs into the dilophosaurus which for some reason he thinks would enjoy a quick game of fetch and instead he takes some poisonous black tar in the eyes and then gets torn apart like pumpkin pie at a family Thanksgiving. We find Alan attempting to get Tim out of the tree and as they're attempting to scale down the tree the car that is above their head starts to fall and instead of just climbing to the other side of the tree and climbing down to safety they chose to attempt to outrun the car which they barely did only due to a lucky Landing. Ellie and short-shorts maldoon take a gas powered Jeep to go find the kids and only find bits and pieces of lawyer and an injured Jeff Goldblum doing modeling poses. The T-Rex who was supposed to only run at 32 miles an hour then chases the Jeep which clearly is a four cylinder if it can't accelerate faster than 32 miles an hour in 2 minutes before giving up and wandering off. We see the kids and dr. Grant hide in tree before getting sneezed on by a long neck and then finding eggs which proves that the dinosaurs that were supposed to all be female or spontaneously changing sex because of the frog DNA and breeding. Mr. Arnold who can continuously be seen smoking cigarettes and telling people to hold onto their butts leaves to go turn the power back on but doesn't come back. The T-Rex makes a triumphant return to attack what I can only describe as a bald ostrich. Ellie and Muldoon go to find mr. Arnold in a bunker we're on the way Muldoon sees a Raptor in the bushes and says he's going to kill it while Ellie goes to turn the power back on. The kids and Grant are attempting to scale the 50 Foot electric fence coincidentally at the exact same time Ellie is turning the power on causing Tim to the electrocuted. Ellie gets attacked by a velociraptor who's scream is of a higher pitch then Michael Jackson in his prime. She runs and stumbles across the arm of mr. Arnold that happened to be sitting in a position where I could fall on her. She somehow manages to outrun the Velociraptor that can supposably move at speeds of 60 miles an hour. Muldoon is attempting to shoot a Raptor but is attacked killed and eaten by a second Raptor after hearing throughout the entire movie how they're brilliant and pack Hunters. Grant leaves the kids alone because clearly babysitting is not anyone strongpoint in this movie to go find Ellie Sattler. The kids get trapped in the kitchen in a fantastic and suspenseful scene by two velociraptors, one of which gets locked in a freezer. The kids meet with Ellie and Grant again and make their way to the control room where they are attempting to restore power. With the power off the doors will not lock and the Raptor attempts to bust down the door which Grant & Sattler are attempting to hold shut while the granddaughter Lex who is a computer genius is rebooting the system. Tim kind of just stand there hopping up and down like an idiot instead of grabbing the gun for the adults but I digress. They restore power and the Velociraptor breaks through the glass because Alan Grant who has a shotgun is as bad a shot as the Stormtroopers in Star Wars. The group ends up climbing on the suspended skeletons of two dinosaurs to escape the Raptors. They fall off and are surrounded and just when All Is Lost the T-Rex who normally can be heard 10 minutes before he shows up sneaks up behind the Raptor and kills it. The second Raptor attempts to attack the T-Rex but meets the same fate as the first. The group escapes as the Glorious Sexy Rexy unleashes and Unholy Roar of epic proportions. They escape the island and ride off into the sunset Alan Grant clearly decides that he now wants children.

All joking aside this movie was fantastic. It's still holds up to this day for the most part. There are a lot of things in the movie that are ridiculous but if you have the ability to suspend disbelief you will absolutely enjoy it. Please excuse any spelling issues or run on sentences as I'm using my cell phone into my laptop is fixed use talk to text. Future reviews will be much cleaner. Thank you for reading and please stay tuned for my next review within the next day or so.
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