Netflix Movie Review: Is "The Titan" Worth Watching?

Netflix is capable of making some really great content. We have all seen them do it before. They are also responsible for some of the worst movies that I have seen in recent times. Last night, I saw that they added a new original film, The Titan. Not knowing if The Titan was going to be a winner or a loser, I decided to give it a try and see how it was. The Titan was not a winner. It was not just a loser. It was an epically bad failure, not only in terms of plot and execution but also premise and message.

The plot of The Titan is nonsensical and strangely, for a science fiction film, it doesn't seem to concern itself with even the most basic (elementary school level) scientific accuracy. The Titan tells a story about a group of soldiers who have volunteered to be part of an experiment that aims to cause them to "evolve" (that's not what the word means, species evolve not individuals), so that they will be able to live on Titan. Why Titan? The reason the film gives is that "Titan is the only other body in the solar system with an atmosphere" (which is incorrect, by the way). They are doing this because, according to this dumpster fire of a film, the Earth is becoming uninhabitable due to human activity. You can see that there is a problem with this premise. If we possess the knowledge and technology to adapt people to live on a hostile world, then why not just adapt them to live on the polluted Earth? I mean, that seems like the way easier task, right? People can already live here even with the pollution, so why go to the trouble and expense of adapting them to live in a completely alien environment? Reasons, that's why. Glossing over that (much like the movie does), almost everyone is on board with the idea and the ones who aren't go along with it anyway, also for reasons. They are allowed to live in quarters with their families (this seems unlikely considering circumstances but, yet again, reasons). The experiment begins and is conducted by (lets call him) Evil Science Guy. All the participants of the experiment start to develop Aqua Man powers (which would be useless on Titan but reasons). The people start turning into fish monsters, some of them kill their spouses. The one fish monster who isn't trying to murder his wife escapes and is captured. Evil Science Guy tries to convince the fish monster's wife to rob him of the last of his humanity but she doesn't. Evil Science Guy tries to have her, the fish monster, and their son killed but his soldiers refuse the order. Finally, the fish monster is sent to the barren wasteland that is Titan to live out the rest of his days alone on an empty world and everyone lives happily ever after.

This movie is really bad for a number of reasons but the thing that stands out the most is that it completely fails to understand the concepts that it tries to cover. It only takes a single google search to see that the Earth and Titan are not the only bodies in the solar system with atmospheres (I just checked and that information is, literally, the first result). The fact that no one along the way thought to check this is absurd. The misuse of the word evolve is ridiculous too. Evil Science Guy is a scientist and would know what the word means and would not have used it in a context like this. There are plenty of terms that would serve the same purpose without being incorrect (mutate, adapt, change, enhance, alter, and augment to name a few).

Given the choice of villain, the content of the plot, and the (probably willful) misuse of scientific terms, this film actually functions as very transparent religious fundamentalist propaganda and it thinks it's being sneaky about it. I don't care what anyone's religion is. You are all free to believe or not believe whatever you want but I have to call things like I see them and if I watch a propaganda film, I will call it a propaganda film. This is how The Titan plays out: An immoral "scientist" wants to prove his "theory" about "evolution." This "evolution" robs people of their humanity (or soul, if you will) and reduces them to "animals" which causes them to become violent. When the experiment has clearly failed, Evil Science Guy gives a prideful speech about how he "created" these beings (like a false god, perhaps) and is rebuked for his crimes (or sins). None of this is on the surface, of course, but this film is, essentially, an allegory for how some religious fundamentalists feel about the "dangers" of teaching evolution. Simply being a propaganda film is not always a bad thing, in my opinion. I have argued that The Witch is religious propaganda too and I like a lot of stuff about that movie. This one, on the other hand, does not pull it off. It is too loose with its use of "buzzwords," too ham-fisted with its message and it tips its hand too much, too often to be clever.

There is less movie in this movie than you would think. Its run time is a little over an hour and a half but there is only about forty-five minutes of actual story in The Titan. The rest is mostly made up of scenes of swimming. Seriously, there is more swimming in this movie than anything else. Every actual scene is punctuated by several overly long shots of someone in a pool and it adds nothing to the film but time.

The Titan is shot really weird too. The camera is always too close to the actors. This type of thing can work in some films by providing a sense of intimacy but there is no intimacy in The Titan. I didn't bother to learn the characters' names; because why would I? I didn't care if any of these people lived or died (because the movie didn't give me a reason to) so I don't want to feel like they are breathing down my neck for ninety minutes. Get away from me, fish man!

The acting is bad. The fake accents are bad. No one seems to have any real emotion to speak of. No one seems to care about being in this movie. I don't know what else to say about this aspect of The Titan.

The music was fine. It was the one thing that was not infuriating about the film; so good job, I guess.

The sets and costumes are pretty cheap looking. They aren't distractingly bad but they look like something one would see on the Syfy Channel.

I really try to see the good in bad movies. I usually can point to something that they did well but I can't do that this time. The Titan is really bad and I can't see any reason to recommend it to anyone. If you like science fiction, there are better movies. If you like subtle religious messages, there are better movies. If you like bad movies, there are "better" bad movies. Don't waste your time with this one, unless you really hate joy and entertainment.

Peace.

The images in this review are sourced from the film's promotional material or are screen captures from the film and are used in accordance with fair use laws. If you are interested in the film (you shouldn't be, by the way) it can be streamed on Netflix.