Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales [MOVIE REVIEW]

Let the Journey Begin (The Tale):

Like many of you Steemians, I have been a fan of the Pirates the Caribbean franchise ever since the first film came out, The Curse Of The Black Pearl back in 2003. The Curse Of The Black Pearl just got everything right. It had the perfect cast, excellent directing, a fun and exciting story and one of the most memorable musical scores that we had heard in a long time. It really is hard to imagine anyone else playing Captain Jack Sparrow but Johnny Depp. Depp was perfectly cast as Jack and his performance helped create an iconic Disney legend. I think most people would not argue that Captain Jack Sparrow is one of the most recognizable movie characters around the world, and if not that, then he is definitely the most recognizable pirate.

With that being said, Dead Men Tell No Tales is, in my opinion, is on the level and if not the best entry in the Pirates franchise. To me, the first movie is a classic and beloved by critics and fans alike. I also enjoyed both Dead Man’s Chest and At World’s End, both of which went in some really strange directions, but most fans stuck with the trilogy because we loved the characters such as Captain Jack, Barbossa, Will and Elizabeth, and of course the amazing CGI marvel that was Davey Jones. More importantly we wanted to see how their stories all ended. Many people consider On Stranger Tides to be the worst of the sequels, but I also enjoyed parts of that movie too.

The Story (No Spoilers)

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales finds Johnny Depp returning as quirky Captain Jack Sparrow without a ship and down on his luck facing deadly ghost sailors, led by the pretty creepy and terrifying Captain Salazar (Javier Bardem), who escape from the Devil’s Triangle bent on killing every pirate at sea - notably Jack.
The legendary Trident of Poseidon is Sparrow’s only chance of defeating the dead, but to find it he must forge an uneasy alliance with newcomers Carina Smyth (Kaya Scodelario), a brilliant and beautiful astronomer, Henry (Brenton Thwaites), a headstrong young sailor in the Royal Navy. At the helm of the Dying Gull, his pitifully small and shabby ship, Captain Jack seeks not only to reverse his recent spate of ill fortune, but to save his very life from the most formidable and malicious foe he has ever faced.

The New Characters Role ?

The new cast characters introduced in this film, Henry, played by Brenton Thwaites and Carina, played by Kaya Scodelario, really don’t add anything to the franchise. It’s like they are setting up Pirates: The Next Generation. Yeah, that’s right, it’s another “soft-reboot”.

Both actors are an obvious replacement for Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightly, and not really good ones. Not bad, but they don’t do anything to make you want to see their continuing story. The pair also severely lack any on-screen chemistry. The character of Carina uses astronomy to guide herself and the crew to where the Macguffin of the film might be, and it just seems like she does it way too many times and it takes for everything to fall into place. It’s just boring and so similar to the hunt for the Dead Man’s Chest and Davy Jones’ Locker in the older films. Carina also refers to herself as horologist, which is misinterpreted by the crew, and it’s just a way to show how unintelligent the pirates are around her. The joke goes on for way too long, and then they then bring it up again with hopes that the audience found it funny the first time. Javier Bardem does a good job playing Salazar, but we have kind of seen this story before with Davey Jones and Blackbeard, where Jack is being chased by one of his old enemies who is mad at him.

And speaking of Orlando Bloom, I hate to disappoint people, but he is in the movie for less than 5 minutes, and Keira Knightly is in the movie for maybe 30 seconds and she doesn’t utter one word. If you watched the recent trailer or TV spot in which Keira Knightly shows up, you have seen almost all of her scene.

The biggest problem for me is the final act is a mess. It takes forever to get to the McGuffin, but once they finally find it, there is so much going on in that scene that you dont know where to look at times and what is happening and who is doing it. Plus it seems that no one really knows what the McGuffin does, so they just guess what it does, and that’s what it does. You are so bored at this point in the movie that you just don’t care who lives or who dies or what curse is broken and which one is not. You just want the movie to end, like it should have 40 minutes before. This movie is 2 hours and 33 minutes, but it feels much longer. There was no reason why this movie could not have been 2 hours and it probably would have been a better movie if it was. It’s just crazy at times how they stretch this stuff out.

SPOILERS: A perfect example is when Jack escapes Salazar at one point, find himself on an island with an ex crew member from the franchise and is forced to marry the guy’s ugly sister. This goes on for 10 minutes and Barbossa shows up kills some people and Jack goes off running again as if that wedding never happened. It’s a funny scene, but it was just not needed and just dragged out the inevitable. Also, like I mentioned, they just start making things up as the film progressed. Salazar decides to possess Henry and one of the crew says, “But If you possess the boy, you will never be able to leave his body”! And Salazar replies, “The Trident will probably fix things.” Really? At this point you are throwing the rules you made for the film out the window just to get to the ending you want. End Of SPOILERS.

There is also a lot of things going on. The British Navy are after the pirates…again. Salazar wants Jack. Salazar wants Barbossa. Barbossa wants Jack. Jack’s crew is with him, then against him, then with him again. What I still can’t believe that Disney executives, who had probably seen a screening of this movie last year, just put their stamp of approval on this without pushing for any changes.

I love the Pirates movies, and from time to time, I go back and rewatch all of them and I still enjoy each one of those movies for what they are and what they represent to the franchise. I can’t see myself ever re-watching Dead Men Tell No Tales. It just takes too long to get to the end. And maybe after seeing Dead Men Tell No Tales, you will disagree with me, but know that the guy sitting next to me, our fearless leader Tom Corless, felt the same way about the movie as I did, but had a matinee even far worse outlook on the film.

I give Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales a (very generous) 8/10, mostly for the 45 watchable minutes.

Disclaimer:

This movie review was done by me and my friend Mark in couple of other sites also.

Enjoy