How to Find Your Values and Start Living by Them
People's answers to this question usually fall into two groups: “I have no idea, I’ve never thought about it” and “No problem! Here they are.” But if you look closer, you'll find that those in the first group often do have some idea of their values. Those in the second group often just give a list of empty words.
Every answer is valid. It’s not easy to clearly state your values. Society doesn’t put much emphasis on doing so. Schools don’t teach self-reflection. Job interviews rarely ask about values, and bosses don’t reward you for following them.
That doesn’t mean you should avoid searching for your values. On the contrary, knowing them can give you strength. They help you make choices, build your career, and live a happier life. Here is a simple guide to help you reflect and get started.
Your values are not hidden. Even if you haven't talked about them before, they are the most important parts of your life. Here are some ways to recognize them.
A value is just a label for what matters to you. Ask yourself, “What excites me most in the world?” Write down as many ideas as you can. Focus on what’s important to you, not what others expect.
Be honest in this first step. Keep your thoughts short. Later, you can expand on them. For now, your list can include words like family, money, comfort, friends, career, free time, independence, or hope.
You might think, “But everything is important!” That’s true — all these things matter. Still, some are more important than others. If choosing just three feels hard, pick two or four. The goal is to keep the list short.
Once you have a shorter list, think about how important each value really is. Can you rank them? There’s no right or wrong way. The idea is to understand which parts of your life matter most.
This process is not a one-time task. It might take weeks or months to find your core values. Take your time and review the list often. Some values may become clearer over time, or new ones may appear.
Next, understand what each value means to you. Define it in your own words. For example, freedom can mean doing what you want when you want, or having control over your choices. It’s different for each person.
At first, you might want to write a long explanation for each value. But short is better. A one-sentence description is enough. Imagine someone waking you up at night and asking about your values. Could you explain them easily and quickly?
While defining your values, don’t worry about big words or what others say. For example, the word “happiness” might seem vague to some. That’s okay, as long as it’s clear to you what it means. Focus on what matters most to you.