disturbed sensations

ﻋﻦ ﻭﺿﻌﻲ ﺍﻟﻨﻔﺴﻲ ﺣﺎﻟﻴﺎً : كسجين ﻳﻨﺘﻈﺮ ﺣﻜﻢ ﺍﻹﻋﺪﺍﻡ ، كسيجارة ﻭﺻﻠﺖ ﻵﺧﺮﻫﺎ، كمتسول ﻳﻨﺎﻡ ﺑﺸﺎﺭﻉ ، كمدينة ﺗﻌﺞ ﺑﺎﻷﺯﺩﺣﺎﻡ ﻭﻻ ﺗﺴﺘﻄﻴﻊ ﺍﻟﻜﻼﻡ ، كشارع ﺗﻘﺴﻮﺍ ﻋﻠﻴﻪ ﺇﻃﺎﺭﺍﺕ ﺍﻟﺴﻴﺎﺭﺍﺕ ، كولاعة ﺗﻀﺮﺏ ﻋﻠﻰ ﺭﺃﺳﻬﺎ ﻋﺪﺓ ﻣﺮﺍﺕ ﺑﺎﻟﻴﻮﻡ ، كساعة ﻳﺪ ﺑﻤﻌﺼﻢ ﺃﻋﻤﻰ ، كواعي ﺑﻤﺴﺘﺸﻔﻰ الﻣﺠﺎﻧﻴﻦ ، كقاعدة ﺇﺑﺮﻳﻖ ﺷﺎﻱ ﻳُﺤﺮﻕ ﻣﻦ ﺍﻷﺳﻔﻞ ﻣﻦ ﺍﻟﻨﺎﺭ ، كطفل ﻗُﻄﻊ ﺃﺻﺒﻌﻪ ﺍﻷﻭﺳﻂ ، كأرمر ﺑﻌﻤﺮ ﺍﻟﻌﺸﺮﻳﻦ ﺣﺮﻡ ﺍﻟﺰﻭﺍﺝ ، كعاصفة ﺑﻤﺤﻴﻂ .... ﺃﻧﺎ ﺍﻵﻥ ﻓﻲ ﺣﻠﺒﺔ ﻣﺼﺎﺭﻋﺔ ﻧﻌﻢ ﺭﺍﻗﺒﻨﻲ ﻭﺭﺍﻗﺐ ﺻﺮﺍﻋﻲ ﻣﻊ ﻫﺬﻩ ﺍﻟﺤﻴﺎﺓ " ﺍﻟﺨﺮﺍﺀ " ﻭﻫﻲ ﺗﻠﻜﻤﻨﻲ ﺑﻠﻜﻤﺎﺕ ﻗﺎﺿﻴﺔ ﻋﻠﻰ ﻭﺟﻬﻲ ﻓﻬﻲ ﺗﻮﺳﻌﻨﻲ ﺿﺮﺑﺎً ﺑﺎﺑﻌﺎﺩ ﺍﻷﻳﺎﻡ ﺍﻟﺠﻤﻴﻠﺔ ﻋﻨﻲ .. ﻭﻣﺎ ﺑﻴﻦ ﺿﺮﺑﺔ ﻗﺎﺿﻴﺔ ﺗﺎﺭﺓً ﻭﺗﻠﻘﻲ لكمة ﺗﺎﺭﺓً اخرى ﺃﻋﻠﻦ ﺍﻟﺤﻜﻢ ﺇﻧﻬﺰﺍﻣﻲ ﺃﻣﺎﻣﻬﺎ ! ﺃﻧﺎ ﺍﻟﻤﻠﻜﻮﻡ ﺑﺎﻟﻀﺮﺑﺔ ﺍﻟﻘﺎﺿﻴﺔ ﺃﻧﺎ ﺍﻟﻼﺷﻲﺀ ﺃﻧﺎ فضلات طائر ﻋﻠﻰ ﻛﺘﻒ ﻣﺘﺴﻮﻝ ، ﺃﻧﺎ ﺍﻟﺬﻱ ﻻ ﺍﺟﻴﺪ ﺷﻲﺀ ، ﺍﻧﺎ ؟ ﻻ ﺷﻲﺀ

Disturbed sensations

Well, I'll tell you my feelings now, my friend. My head hurts me very much, as if it were a loud party. I can not hear my thoughts well because of it.
I feel in a labyrinth I do not know the way, the more I go forward I go back to the same place
My heart tightens and I feel as if it will stop suddenly
He did not smile for a long time and did not smile at all except for the pictures
I can not sleep at night and sleep a lot during the day
My inbox is full of messages from the one who loves me, but I can never be perfect and tell them "I'm too"

I am a prisoner who is waiting for the death sentence, as a cigar who arrived at the last time, like a beggar sleeping on a street, as a city crowded with traffic and unable to speak, like a street where car tires were trampled on, like a hammer hitting her head several times a day. A tea burns from the bottom of the fire, like a child cutting his middle finger, like a twenty-year-old married man, like a storm in the ocean ... I am now in a wrestling ring Yeah watch me and watch my arms with this Life "shit", a judge Tlkmena Blkmat on my face they Tosni beat the dimensions of the beautiful days of me .. and sometimes fatal blow between the receiving punch at other times before it announced the verdict defeatist recourse! I am Malcolm by knockout. I am nothing. I am bird droppings on the shoulder of a beggar. I am the one who does nothing good, am I? Nothing ..