People ask me all the time: Chito, my boy. How is it that you work so hard, but look so fine?

And here's what I tell them:

Looking "fine" is not a matter of looking good. It's an attitude.

And what I mean by that is that your fineness must come from within. Not without.

Fineness is a certain gravitas of the spirit, so to speak. So that when you're expressing your fineness wherever you may be--at home, at the gym, at the club, at O.J. Willy's or at work--you're expressing your soul, baby. Because if your sole focus is solely focused on the exterior qualities of life, your inner fineness is soon to perish. Instead:

Your sole focus should be solely focused on the soul, baby.

There's a little Chunk of Chito for you. Free of charge.

But enough of this gobbledygook. What I'm really here to share with you is not what is fineness, but how do I cultivate my fineness? Which is why down below I've listed 5 of the Most Importantest Points on How to Stay Fine--especially when the work day has you haggard. Free of charge.

So please take notes & enjoy. And to my haters: Hang your bad hattitude at the door.

Or you can stay at the door.

Drum roll, please:

#1 - Relax & Chill

The first step to cultivating an attitude of fineness is also the most important part of my day. Every day.

Because if you're not relaxed, you're not chill. And if you're not chill, you're definitely not fine.

I find the easiest way to Relax & Chill is to prep myself a bubble bath, preferably of the lavender variety, while I send one of my house honeys to pick me up a tasteful, yet filling morning breakfast from either Rich Virginia's or Jaymond's upside the other end of town. Preferably with blueberries so as to get my daily antioxidants. And syrup so as to have a little fun.

Don't be too timid to situate yourself with a wet mimosa or two. You'll need to stay Relaxed & Chilled by the time the morning cock blows its final crow, initiating another hard day of work.

#2 - Tell Yourself "Yes" When the Real Answer is "No"

Nothing disturbs my feelings of fineness worse than the word "No."

No matter how Relaxed & Chilled I begin my day, soon as I hear "No" I am no longer Relaxed & Chilled.

I am Hostile & Bothered.

Which is why I recommend saying "Yes" whenever you hear or think or say the word "No." For me, personally, I make it part of my morning ritual, before my lavender bubble bath, to grab one of my favorite fine-tipped red markers and to send one of my least favorite house honeys to run to my favorite bookstore--Black, White, & Read All Over--to purchase a box full of dictionaries, each denoting a different language, with which I use my favorite fine-tipped red marker to cross out the word "No" and all of its translational equivalents until it's completely removed from my sight. 

Then I grab one of my favorite blue colored markers and I circle the words "Yes", "Sí", "Oui", etc. etc. until I've made it crystal clear to myself where I stand on the situation.

#3 - Demonstrate Sexual Intent at All Times

Sometimes you got your mind on the money, but the honey is on your mind.

This can be a problem. Especially when the house honeys are too worked up to tend to your urges or they are on their annual vacation or are in any way unavailable, so you end up starting the workday a little frustrated & worked up yourself.

That's why it's important that you're always demonstrating Sexual Intent to whoever you're in conversation with so as to always carpe the diem, so to speak--particularly when you forget to carpe the noctem and you wake up to unavailable honeys during the diem. Thus, by demonstrating Sexual Intent at all times, you're not only expressing your inner fineness, but you're helping yourself reel in other potential honeys that haven't been worked up yet.

Because if you ain't fishin', you ain't eatin'. That's what my Pop used to always say to me on the telephone the times that he'd actually pick up.

#4 - Read a Good Book.

None of that Dan Brown or self-help bullshit.

Fuck your Secret, Rhonda Byrne, ya snake-oily motherfucker.

...Forgive me. That was neither fine nor polite of me to say

The books that I'm saying about when I say "Good Book" are your classics. I find that when my soul is parched from hard work, I can easily nourish it with a classic. Which is why in my office I always keep at hand a copy of Moby-Dick to show myself the importance of achieving a long hard-fought goal; a copy of Dorian Gray to remind myself the importance of being earnest; a copy of 1984 for an occasional good laugh; and, of course, a copy of the holiest of holies: The Good Book--with my man Jesus Christ--to remind myself what it is that I'm striving for:

Immortality.

#5 - Relax & Unwind

At the end of the day when all is said & done, it's time to Relax & Unwind.

If you're in good fortune, the house honeys will have sorted out their emotions over whatever small thing it was that had them worked up during the diem, so that by now they'll be ready to at least carpe the noctem.

Yet, perhaps what your soul needs after such a long, hard day (even more so than a long, hard carpe) is a little time on its lonesome for once. Give it a chance to breathe. A chance to reflect upon itself. Reflect upon the long, hard day of work you just had. What could we have worked harder on? What could we have done better?

And say to yourself: Nothing.

Because true fineness never admits defeat.