Parody: The 2020 Tesla Motors Inc. Shareholders Letter “The Future of Transportation is Here”

2020 Tesla Motors Inc. Shareholders Letter
“The Future of Transportation is Here”
By
Elon Musk

Dear shareholders,

I wanted you, the Tesla Shareholders to be the first to hear about our new
Tesla models QD1 & QD2. The QD stands for Quantum Drive System.
The Quantum Drive System will launch transportation into a new era.
I mean literally
Launch. Your Tesla QD1 Automobile will be the first production Flying Vehicle.
In 3 years the QD1 System will be standard drive train for all Tesla vehicles.

Not only will your automobile fly, but at incredible speeds.
Image flying from NY to Paris in 2 hours.

In 5 years we launch the QD2 upgrade.
This system will not only change our world but other worlds.
The Quantum Drive 2.0 system will be capable of Trans Warp travel.
Imagine taking you Family Vacations to Mars and back home in 4 days.

The QD2 isn not for everyone due to the price point. We have receive criticism from naysayers, who
balk at the QD2 system costing the same as a Boomer Class Submarine.

My question to the critics “Can your Submarine transport you to another Galaxy?” They lack the vision.

I'm please to announce that per-orders for the QD2 System is already 200,000 units.
Majority of the units were sold through Space Vehicle Brokers from three stars in the Alpha Centauri system. The two main stars are Alpha Centauri A and Alpha Centauri B, which form a binary pair. They are an average of 4.3 light-years from Earth.

I've save the most exciting news for last.
Today I received a email from Santa Clause's Aero Sleigh Division.
The ASD Elf Engineers are excited to retrofit the QD2 System on Santa's Sleigh.
They've calculated the System will reduce the Christmas Eve Present
distribution time to 38 minutes.
I've decided to donate the first QD2 system to Santa.
He has agree to a PR Event to debut the new system on Christmas Eve.

We will sell our SpaceX division to another Aerospace Company to help finance the
R&D of Quantum Drive System. Because the QD technology will make

Rocket Propulsion Systems obsolete.

Lastly, I wish to thank all of our shareholders for their continue support over the years
Despite the critics concerns over profitability.
Tesla investors are beyond Profiteers.
Your are all Visionaries that care about future generations.

Sincerely,

Elon Musk, CEO