Let me introduce myselves...

I can't decide who to introduce first...the one I've been the longest or the one that is the most true me. Only two people in this whole wide world know the latter and I am just starting the process of understanding why I'm so protective of who I really am and so scared to let people in on the exciting journey I've secretly been on for the past three years. 

In fact, let me start at the beginning, in a tiny village in the middle of the deep Norwegian forests, the first me saw the light of day for the very first time on a Tuesday afternoon - mid 80's. Given birth to by a woman that had been praying for years to have a baby girl...and finally...I was there! Little did she know how different I would become from the girl she had imagined and hoped for for so very long. Life is a bitch...it truly is. 

I grew up going to every Christian summer-, fall-, winter- and Easter camp there was and there really was no point during my childhood where I didn't take for granted that God was good and in control. Wanting more spiritual input, a group of us seeked more charismatic churches and before we knew it we were trapped! My young, evolving, vulnerable, growing mind was raped by greedy dictators high on power, pride and pennys! Looking back it's overwhelmingly sad to see how little me was deceived to put my entire life in the hands of strangers like that. I even married into the church, 19 years old and no clue who I was or who, where and what I wanted to be. Of course my sweet, naive parents were ok with it...from the outside everything looked so happy, but in reality I had just thrown myself blindly into a dark, bottomless ocean and my hands were tied. 

For those of you who have broken out from a cult, I feel deeply for you and I will for sure dig deeper into stuff related to brainwashing, but I'll leave it at this for now.

Fast forward to 2018 - the second, true, happy, divorced, not always tired and low on energy single mom me gets married to the love of her life in Las Vegas. She's never felt this kind of intense joy and rush of emotions. None of her family even know she's overseas though, and certainly not that she is remarrying a few months after the divorce was final. Everyone she meets says she has changed and that they can tell for the better. Why is it then...that this happier and more confident version of me only know two people. 

Seriously...what's the worst thing that could happen if I just let both of me free and became one, whole, complete human being. What's the worst thing that could happen if I told people I'm not sure if I believe in God anymore or any of my other true, inner, real feelings and meanings. It's so scary though...

Is there anyone out there who would like to follow me on this road into the open and free and see if we can learn together how to become who we really are and let that person shine bright?