One of my favorite subjects to read about is mental health/ subjects regarding the mind/brain. My uncle suffered greatly when I was growing up and frankly, even still. I have had my own mental obstacles. And seen so many friends suffer, even to the point of extinction. The concept of mental illness is a bio-psycho-social model. One of the reasons I attended chiropractic school in the first place is to understand the body and biology component. And [in some far off dream land right before I go to sleep] I would come up with a hypothesis that would extend the parameters of what the "biology" part entails. And this information would lead to a cure for everyone suffering.

In reality, a cure would be wonderful. I sometimes just feel as if we are not making much progress. I could support my claims in a later post. For now, I just like to read about the topic and admire those in the field.

It's been a fascinating topic of discussion and personal endeavors to gain more knowledge about the subject. Obviously there is a major psychological and social aspect of the disease in certain cases. Honestly, I don't know too much about the 'social facet'. I wish to know more. I do enjoy reading various books on psychological concepts that could play a role in mental health -- or coincides with. Also different techniques used for relief of symptoms are also a fascinating: EMDR for one.

I am still young. A wee person of twenty-eight years. I figure if I make it my life's mission; maybe I'll have something really credible and useful by sixty-five. I am not even half way there yet. I love to read on the topic and think of ways in which themes play in my life. And how concepts that apply to me could apply universally. I also like to point out passages that are so important in life, really. Concepts that you help you, reader.

When applied these concepts give us a new lens for our ever evolving perspectives throughout life. It was when reading this book for the second time that I realized how all artists (looking at you, Nathaniel Braden) bleed on the pages.

I've been wrestling with the concept of online vulnerability. How much do I say about myself? If I say nothing -- my creation isn't the same. It feels empty and worthless. I've been questioning if this is wrong. If that is wrong to pull from my real life? To show a real side to myself that extends past an "image" of [insert who I am suppose to be right now in life in my imaginary world inside my head].

Is it wrong to feel vulnerable? How much vulnerability is too much?

Sometimes it feels as when I am writing I am spilling my entirety of my insides: blood, guts, gunk and all. And when I edit, I am removing some of the raw, unseen carcasses that do not add something that someone else could use. It's not just writings in the fiction genre either, it is all kinds of writing.

You see -- I love them all just to varying degrees. For instance, I wrote two controversial pieces in undergrad: NON-FICTION. And both really reeked of bias and thoughts I'd been thinking when talking to this person... [remove name, location and time; insert things I was GOING to say if I had time/ even thought to go there with that discussion] Simply: the rebuttals, the stories used all come from past influences; some namely specific, real conversation are all real excerpts from a part of life that impacted the author/artist (me in my college paper). There had to be something in the environment to spark that thought, which became.

And it was the second time reading this book that I realized, even Nathaniel Braden, PHD; bleeds all over his work. It was fascinating to think about in an abstract/lateral way. That everyone who creates a body of work (even entrepreneurship), it in itself tells a story of who you are. Simply, even the career you chose tells something about who you are, what you want to be, or sadly -- what you didn't grow up to be. Everything tells a story about you.

And it made me wonder if ANY of us can just backspace our perspective of our current influences from the present moment COMPLETELY from our work?

I guess not.

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This book and I got introduced Twelve years ago, a two hour drive out onto the far out lands of Duchesne, Utah.
population: >2,000. After not showering for approximate 30 days, my therapist hands me THIS book on self esteem. Cheekily, I sent it back. I found it years later on the shelves at Barnes and Nobles.

Figured it wanted me to read it -- and read it, I did.

I picked it up for a second time, quickly over break. It felt good to read while my in-laws helped with a lot of the child watching/loving role. I got some time to read and write. And writing has been such a blessing to me lately. I just wanted to share some passages in the first chapter -- and my interpretation of it.

I think as someone who has studied biology and knows a bit about the mind patterns of thought / psychoanalysis; I could have a good commentary. Plus, I just wanted to share the beauty of a healthy mind, and how it works/ functions/responds and stimulates a thriving life. In a parallel metaphor he acknowledges self-esteem to be likened as the 'the immune system of the mind'. I loved that analogy. It made the mind and it's processes seem sorted, almost linked to something grounded in hardersciences.

Or, should I say better understood as of current knowledge. What is clear today -- was not clear 1,000 years ago. And we are a 1,000 years into someone else's past. So who knows what they will learn about the mind and how it function then verse now? And at the rate we are progressing?

What do we possibly, laughably know now that will not be known in the future? Right?

I laugh now thinking we always improve; however, the more I dig in ancient civilizations I realize just how potentially DUMB our culture is in comparison. Have you seen the docu-series on Egyptians and the pyramids on Netflixs? It just puts in to perspective our prejudices for being "so much more evolutionary evolved". Perhaps. In some senses.

I personally do not think the culture that we have now that treats the earth like we do -- deserves to be called the "most evolutionary evolved" culture we have ever seen. Sometimes I wonder, will we even last for another 1,000 years? Will this place we all call home, die in generations to pass?

I just wish I wouldn't be apart of the cause. And sometimes I am. The last few months to year has shown me just how much of a hypocrite I am -- (I have a few goals in mind that I want to do in order to play my role in helping reduce my waste/consumption of the Earth's valuable resources). And in a very, very good way. Because, if I cannot acknowledge it -- I cannot change it.

And we need to let parts of ourselves, old parts that do not serve us anymore to die (metaphorically speaking). It's this self-death that I have not dealt with for awhile.

That self that cheekily sent back this book had just been ripped away from her home and family: 3,000 miles away, medicated to the point of obliteration, lonely. It reminds me of a time in my life now. Both of us had our lives changed recently. And both of us (me in the past verse me now) and shifting our identity to that of someone different.

Becoming a mother is a role switch, it is a throw up your hands your maiden self is gone bitch -- life change. You (yes, you singletons out there without any children) do not even realize how beautiful a run to the grocery store alone is until you have kids. When I left delaware, it was also a role switch. I feel very similar to that stage in my life in some ways.

It's like this call from the universe to increase my level of vibration in the world or leveling up to a new challenge in life. And the adaptation it takes requires a healthy mindset, a health sense of self.

It requires high self-esteem. It's the reason I picked up this book again. Maybe for a brief refresher? I know that it was truly because I believe this book holds many great truths about how a healthy mind functions. I of course, like all people -- should want a healthier mindset. This leads to better outcomes in life and choose made. There is always improvement.

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Chapter 1 // Self-Esteem: The Immune System of Consciousness.

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How does he define self esteem first and foremost? The author defines it simply as the health of the mind.

"There are realities that we cannot avoid...Regardless of what we do or do not admit, we cannot be indifferent to our self-evaluation. However, we can run from this knowledge if it makes us uncomforable. We can shrug it off, evade it, declare that we are only interested in 'practical matters', and escape into baseball or the evening news or the financial pages or a shopping spree or a sexual adventure or a drink. Yet, self-esteem is a fundamental human need."

He goes on to define what a need is, and how to differentiate it from a want.

He says, "a need is that which is required for our effective functioning. We do not merely want food and water, we need them; without them, we die. However, we have other nutritional needs, such as for calcium, whose impact is less direct and dramatic. In some regions in Mexico the soil contains no calcium; the inhabitants of these regions do not perish outright, but their growth is stunted, they are generally debilitated, and they are prey to many diseases to which the lack of calcium makes them highly susceptible. [They did not die, as in they would die without water, food, oxygen or nervous system function. However,] ...They are impaired in their ability to function."

Due to its function as a fundamental human need, Dr. Branden alludes to the fact that self esteem has survival value. We need it to be of optimum functioning.

We need a lot of things to be of optimum health, it is not just one thing. It comes from many avenues of life. However, the interesting thing about self-esteem -- and this facet. Is that if you have high self-esteem, you are more likely to value your health and seek optimum status. Individuals with lower self-esteem are comfortable in lower quality mental/physical spaces, and are less likely to reach for change by themselves alone.

Working on psychological factors are helpful in increasing health across the board. Without it, you crumble. Of course this begs so many questions. The list in my head is just rattling off -- the book answers a great majority of them, and gives you ways in which to actually know where you stand and HOW TO HELP.

This is a huge point for me. I read a lot of books on the topic of something I deem important and the solutions are bare (think self-help "general public book -esque" aka New York Times Pop Psychology). But truly, if you even want ways to understand the health of mental processes -- and what health looks like in though management, elimination and perseverance of thoughts in ones consciousness. It's brillant, facinating, and useful.

I want to leave you with a few journal promps that he gives as an exercise each morning and each evening to help develop a better awareness of -- and consciousness towards living.

Q1: What does consciousness mean to you?

Q2: If I bring 5 percent more awareness to my activities today ---

Q3: When I reflect on how I would live more consciously --

We need to know our inner workings to sort out what we need to do in order to raise our self esteem. A lot of the time it comes from journaling and knowing our thought processes. It comes from thinking about and talking about our lives. And the experiences in which have had. Good or bad; how have they impacted you? It's about learning about your self imposed web and unweaving it yourself.

To improve upon and develop an immune system of the mind is necessary more than ever before in history and will be a trait needed to be passed down -- morethanever.

We have evolved as a society into a more "thinking" generation verse manual labor careers of the early industrial revolutions and beyond. Now the common man is being asked to think more so than in yester-years. The common middle class job SITS DOWN. We are trading in the use of our bodies for the use of our minds. Therefore, the need for a solid protection/ security agent against invasive thoughts and beliefs is needed more than ever. These books are needed to be read more now (and in the future)-- then ever before. Our need for a healthy mind is paramount for success in our current hierarchical model in the west.

Here are some other good quotes in the chapter that I enjoy.

"Our purpose is self-expression, not self-avoidance or self-justification. Our motive is not to "prove our worth but to live our possibilities. If my aim is to prove I am "enough," the project goes on to infinity -- because the battle was already lost on the day I conceded the issue was debatable. So it is always, "one more victory"... yet the void within remains unfilled."

"The more amount of choices we need to make on a conscious level, the more urgent our need for self-esteem...If we lack adequate self-esteem, the amount of choice offered to us today can be frightening, something like the anxiety of a soviet citizen on first encountering an American Supermarket. And just as some visitors elect to run back to the "security" of a dictatorship, some of us seek escape in the "security" of cults, or religious fundamentalism, or "correct" political, social, or cultural subgroups, or brain-destroying substances."

"Neither our upbringing nor our education may have adequately prepared us for a world with so many options and challenges. This is why the issue of self-esteem has become so urgent".

Moral of the story: Everyone needs higher levels of self-esteem to function better in this cubical culture.

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By the way, all the fire imagery (yes, even wands and cinnamon) is all symbolic of the conversation of ideas. I love symbolism. Our first words were in symbols as humans -- I think they have evolved to impress and give something of value to our lives. Even when symbolism isn't talked about much anymore. Thanks for reading!