I thought I was hideous back in highschool - I still have those deep scars today, and now at the age of 28 am finally getting to the point where I am leaving them behind. It takes conscious and deliberate work to do so, time for your mind to "catch up" with your body.
It's taken a lot of work to get my subconscious and conscious mind to be in sync. That's where a lot of the "I feel fucking crazy but I can't stop it," came from. My subconscious was triggered by a threat response and was doing exactly what it was supposed to do. It needed to fed different data, which required changing how I perceived the world.
This shit is complicated. I don't know anyone who doesn't struggle with image and self.
And here you are, a beautiful talented young lady, Kurt Cobain said it, we need the tragedy for out art ;)
It is complicated. The minds a fucker and no one really understands it. I have a Buddhist centre in my town that runs meditation and wellness classes, there's one in August about forgiveness and letting go of past hurt, I think I might go