Duality

Hey friends!

I want to use this next post to talk about the dualities within us, as well as those that we face externally. The notion of duality evokes numerous ideas: two sides of a coin, hypocrisy, yin- yang, conflict and reconciliation...

The idea for this post came because of my current job situation. I am in the process of applying to hospitals for work as a CNA (medical assistant), as well as applying to graduate nursing programs. In the interim, I have taken a job in retail. High- end, luxury brand retail. I took the position because the people I work with are fantastic, it pays well, and affords me flexibility in my schedule.

I have found myself conflicted during each shift. While our product is fun, it is by NO MEANS necessary or affordable to the average person. As an employee, I am actively encouraging consumerism without really contributing anything to people's lives. It makes me feel strange and disconnected, as these things do not align with my values.

So how do I come to terms with this? I need to earn a salary; the individuals who purchase our product have the means to do so; it is a brief period of time and a window into a different lifestyle. Holding this job creates a duality within me, one that I have to DECIDE to be okay with. I can contend with the conflict by pouring myself into things that do feel fulfilling: working on my friend's permaculture farm, taking hikes in the hills that surround my neighborhood. I can pour light into the people that frequent our store and use my position to brighten their days.

This is the hypocrisy aspect of duality, where our thoughts differ from what we manifest. While this can be quite triggering, know that nothing is black and white. There are indefinite shades of gray between the two, and it is impossible not to exist among them. As Shrek once wisely said, "Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. We [all] have layers".

I am not promoting the notion of acting against one's core beliefs, particularly if it is damaging to oneself or others. I am saying that there are many ways to construct a situation, and that life may sometimes necessitate actions we are not fully comfortable with. These can teach invaluable lessons and help us to learn what makes us feel authentically aligned with our deepest truths.

This time has brought me clarity. It has allowed me to explore a way of living that does not fit me, and that I will not pursue further. Once I am done with this job, I will have resolved a duality within me. Conflict and resolution, resistance followed by inevitable change.

It has also awakened me to the fact that every human faces this sort of challenge; we all encounter situations that are in discord with our beliefs. We are constantly integrating, softening, adapting... each of us at our own pace. Recognize that those around you are at different stages, working towards THEIR clarity. Show them love, throw forgiveness around like confetti. Radiate acceptance, as doin' this living thing gives us all hell from time to time.

We're in this together.