where my demons hide

There has been a lot talk about mental health lately from the TV to politics. But for people with mental health problems like me life can be different. Now imagine being locked in glass box hanging over the pits of hell swinging too scared to move much in case you snap the rope, sending you crashing into the abyss. In the real world however everything looks OK you put a mask on and pretend nothing is wrong.
there then comes a point where the mask falls off. leaving you naked and scared. Sadly when the people in charge see you as a number on a spreadsheet you are nothing but a quick fix push them off benefits into work. forget the fact that the placements your being put on gives you panic attacks. and if I say no my money could stop.
This could be anyone in the UK .I was sent on a placement I was struggling to sleep through anxiety. I drunk 4 energy drinks a day for too weeks. I was made to put on a shelf on my own with no training. then sent to sort products who`s stacking system was disorganised. at the end of the placement as was told I was a risk due to my Anxiety (wish the manager would tell the dwp that). After that the my employment adviser wanted to put me for another placement. at that point i wonder was t really worth doing another.
then something happened I got physically ill for weeks to the point I was hospitalised.

was told i had tumours on my pancreas and surgery was the only option. i would end up diabetic and might lose my spleen making reliant on tablets and insulin. Then my anxiety kicks in again. to top it off the day after my father passed away. Now my body and my mind have turned against me. Waiting in that hospital bed watching the pre payed movies. thousands of thoughts rushing though my head. regretting my gastric bypass asking why my father had to leave and pure panic about being Diabetic. the worst was the waiting for the operation. then the trolley came.

This Story does have sort of a happy ending a few months later there was enough pancreas left to stop me being diabetic and my spleen was safe. the cause was gall stones getting in there (no doubt from the energy drinks) a few months after a got asked to get involved in a one off event at Richmond Castle. and as I type i have a lead in a show. yes I to have take tablets when I eat and
Alcohol can kill me but i take each day as it comes.

So you ask why did i say Sort of a happy ending? well my work capability assessment is due soon however come Friday things could change. if the general election goes well.