BECAUSE MEN MATTER TOO

gwazs (31)in #men • 6 years ago (edited)

On Monday 19th November 2018, I was scrolling through the status updates of my contacts on WhatsApp when I came across the picture of a man — or rather a man’s face and torso. A simple, stylized combination of a fedora, a pair of glasses, an exaggerated handlebar mustache and a striped tie; arranged in a white circle and superimposed on a sky blue background. Above this image ran the words: INTERNATIONAL MEN’S DAY, underneath it was the date: 19 NOVEMBER.
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At first I was surprised, I hadn’t known that such a celebration existed. It couldn’t be a real “thing”. I mean sure, we had Mothers’ day and Fathers’ day and — probably — Women’s day, or at least the International Day for the Girl Child, but we surely didn’t have a Men’s day; it just didn’t seem right.
As the day wound on, the picture popped up again and again, on more status updates, in various WhatsApp groups; often accompanied by messages of varying length, with content swinging between the semi-personalized and the more general broadcast messages. Finally, in a particular group, the picture appeared again, but now it was followed by another picture with a — surprise! — sky blue background (because of course, blue in all its shades is the color of ‘men’). This picture showed a man bent over at a table, obviously hard at work, bearing on his shoulders first a woman — presumably his wife — and then a couple of kids all stacked one on top of the other, until the entire pile ended with the family dog perched incongruously at the very top. Again there was more text lauding men and their ‘silent’ efforts. This in itself had yet to draw any reaction stronger than a mild bemusement from me, although now I believed that the International Men’s Day was actually a thing. Silly, and — in my opinion — unnecessary no doubt, but a ‘thing’.
My interest however, was finally piqued by a message that was posted immediately afterwards in the same group by another group member. It read:
“Men enh!!! […] God bless men and their better halves.”
I found this very annoying.
Why couldn't this day just be about men without drawing some attention to their ‘better’ halves? Even if one were to ignore the subtext of this message, it would still be somewhat . . . Greedy? Petty? of the better halves, the fairer sex, women, to want to share the spotlight on this day.
Yes, I know; at this point the reader of this article would be asking him — or her — self: “What exactly is this writer getting at?”
Allow me to explain.

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In this era of an ever increasing demand for recognition and praise, nay, validation by various minorities or oppressed units of society; it has become particularly important for every individual — personally, or as part of whatever group they choose to identify with — to be celebrated, acknowledged or praised in one way or the other. Usually, this praise seems to demand that the achievements or struggles of some other class of society be downplayed or ignored entirely, cast in as unfavorable a light as possible. Villains are important to every good story after all, and no villain can, or should, have any redeeming qualities. On the heels of fast rising radical feminism and the highly controversial #MeToo movement, death knells sound for the misogynistic institutions of the Patriarchy (read: men) and women, with all their martyr like patience and long suffering endurance, suddenly find themselves at the top of a PR food chain in which every scenario involving their unjust treatment becomes top billing. Men, the villains, on the other hand, are relegated to the background, or worse, given the status of the ‘other’. Can it be perhaps, that the words of Nietzsche ring true in this battle against female oppression?
This article however, is not about feminism, or women, or the evils of the patriarchy. It is about men. Flawed, imperfect, human men, from all corners of the globe.
Further research in the course of writing this article revealed some particularly interesting facts about the celebration of the International Men’s Day, “[It is] an annual event celebrated every year on the 19th of November. [It was] inaugurated in 1992 on February 7th by Thomas Oaster, [after its conception in the previous year] on 8th February 1991. It was re-initialised in 1999 in Trinidad and Tobago [by] Jerome Teelucksingh, who revived the event [and] chose 19th November to honor his father’s birthday . . .”
Every year, International Men’s Day is commemorated “in over eighty (80) countries” worldwide, to shine a spotlight on men who are making a positive difference and to raise awareness of issues that men face [daily] on a global scale.
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The objectives of celebrating an International Men’s Day, set out in “The Six Pillars of International Men’s Day’, including focusing on men’s and boy’s health, improving gender relations, promoting gender equality, and highlighting male role models. It is an occasion to highlight discrimination against men and boys and to celebrate their achievements and contributions, in particular for their contributions to community, family, marriage, and child care. The broad and ultimate aim of the event is to promote basic humanitarian values.
Topics such as mental health, toxic masculinity and the prevalence of male suicide [are also] discussed.
International Men’s Day coincides with Movember, which involves men growing their facial hair in an effort to promote conversations about men’s mental health, suicide prevention, prostate cancer and testicular cancer.
Additionally, the month of November is also occasionally recognized as International Men’s Month.
The theme for International Men’s day 2018 is: ‘Positive Male Role Models’.
More information can be found on the International Men’s day website: internationalmensday.com
It would be easy to wave off the entire event as yet another branding cum PR stunt, an unnecessary frivolity geared towards giving men even more privileges in a society that already favors them in all the ways that matter. Some even argue that as the top dogs in a patriarchal, male dominated society, men get to celebrate Men’s Day everyday. But is that really the case?
International Men’s Day is about much more than celebrating men, just as International Women’s Day is more than just a celebration of the women in our lives: both [events] are about highlighting, and getting closer to tackling, the systemic issues that let down these genders.
Now, while society is undoubtedly stacked in men’s favor, one cannot deny the fact that men do have problems, [not least of which is the fact] that men are usually discussed as “men” and not as individuals, a rather unhealthy turn of events as it comes with all the dangers of stereotyping and the danger of the “One Story”.
It may surprise the reader to note that, ‘. . . suicide continues to be the biggest killer of men. In every country except China, the rate of suicide [amongst] men is higher than that of women, in some cases as high as six men for every one woman, and life expectancy is routinely less for men than for women in all countries. [While] the suicide rate has decreased [in recent years], according to a recent report by [the charity group] Samaritans, [. . .] it is still the biggest killer of men aged under 45.
The reasons for this are not hard to see. In a society that prizes and celebrates a warped form of masculinity, while paradoxically pushing back against the individual expressions of maleness it becomes harder and harder for individual men to fully realize or express themselves. The phrase, “Men don’t cry,” seems to say it all, as men are subliminally encouraged or forced from an early age into a lifestyle of repression and secrecy, while being shoehorned into a society that expects them to shoulder ever more burdens — irrespective of their personal inclinations or abilities. As a man, one is expected to act in a certain way, to walk and talk in a certain way, to dress in a certain way. The rules are endless, the requirements unforgiving. Weakness (a quality which is unfortunately celebrated in the opposite sex) is frowned upon in any form. It is truly no wonder that things are the way they are.
It is thus of prime importance that men are given an opportunity to speak out, to be acknowledged and praised, as individuals and as a group, irrespective of whatever differences of race, color, social class or sexuality might exist between them, and come to terms with society’s expectations, and what exactly they should be able to give. Men also need to overcome their reluctance to talk about their problems: whether it’s seeking more physical intimacy [. . .] or just going [for] counseling.
Toxic masculinity is an oppressor of both men and women [and] the more we tear down the systems that damage women, [the more] we also tear down the systems that oppress men.

We must as a society, get past the point where to be a man is to be subject to unnecessary and unattainable heights of willpower, and yet, not bow to the views of some radical feminists that seem to demand “. . .neutered, emasculated, papoose-clad, permanently apologizing doormats.”
The [very concept of] the ideal man is often what makes a man suffer the most. As a man you are not expected to cry, and you are expected to be the breadwinner [of your family] you are expected to love sports and not want to share your emotions, because doing so would be too “girly”. We need to realize that the real problem men face today is not the rise of women, but the collapse and constant redefinition of what it means to be a man. In fact this article: What We Talk About When We talk About Men: The Top 12 Issues Men Face Today (https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/talk-men-top-10-issues-today-gmp/) brings to light some particularly telling issues that men face in today’s society.
So now I ask: “Why have an International Men’s Day?”
The answer is very simple: “Because men matter too.”
Because it will give men the chance to speak about and address those telling issues of high stress levels, repressed emotions, drug and pornography addiction, mental anxiety, physical and mental abuse, mental disorders such as body dysmorphia and depression that plague most if not all men, all over the globe.