From a slave to a master chapter # 31 - Repressive ‘positive thinking’ and its harms

A Memoir

Many of us are familiar with the concept ‘positive thinking’ and how we are recommended to implement it in order to achieve good and happy lives for ourselves. Those who are singles, for instance, are encouraged to ‘think positive’, to be optimistic; when they attend weddings they are presented to the happy couples so they can witness a positive example in order to develop within them hope for their own situation. However, what is the truth behind the mantra:” ‘think positive’? Is such pattern of thought really necessary for realization, for love?

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In this chapter, which follows my posts about beliefs, it is an excellent opportunity to undermine the psychic myth that states: “only positive thoughts are allowed”. While being still on the first stage of my journey, dealing with and working on my personality, I realized that the pattern of ‘only positive thinking’ could harm my progress by binding me to the same place for years. In order to clarify my meaning let me use a common situation that may happen at every home:

Danielle, the teenage daughter of Joyce burst into the house through the main doorway and ran quickly to her room, slamming the door behind her. Joyce, who had been too alarmed to leave her young child on her own, hurried after her only to see her daughter’s face buried deep in the thick blanket that already was full of wet tears.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?”, Joyce was worried. Her hand caressed Danielle’s head hoping her daughter was up to share with her the details.

“It’s Simon….he…he… he broke up with me”, Danielle just barely managed to screen out the words out of her crying mouth.

“Oh, sweety…I am so sorry….he is stupid to let you go…you are so sweet, beautiful and talented and you will easily find a new boyfriend”, Joyce was trying to encourage her suffering daughter. “And most important”, she added remembering a good advice she had heard lately, ”it is crucial that you do not fall into depression. Think positive and only optimistic thoughts and you will see that everything will quickly be even better than before”.

But is that really so? Is Joyce correct? Are experts’ suggestions, who repeatedly advise us to think positively – “because thoughts create your reality” – really justified and genuinely bring a true improvement in our daily lives?

The worldview which says that positive thinking alone can solve all our problems is archaic and no longer relevant for those who walk the path to realization, who exhibit developed levels of awareness. A worldview that says “think only positive” and “avoid any negative thoughts” presents a dualistic perspective about life. If we live within a dual reality, one that is comprised of contradictions and separations, we doom ourselves to a life that will always swing between “good” and “bad”.

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There are two main reasons why ‘positive thinking’ can harmful:

1. Adopting a positive pattern of thought alone inherently causes us to ignore other parts of our reality. If Danielle, the daughter in our example, accepts her mother’s advice she will then avoid addressing the root cause within her that initially have created the situation she is facing now.
   Any human must go through the process of carving and forming their personality and that includes working with the entire spectrum of their characters, including the hidden so-called dark aspects.
   For instance, the principle of giving is essential for conducting a healthy relationship, any relationship. If one does not learn to ‘get out of one’s shell’ and to exercise the giving, then one decrees on oneself a life of misery and pain. The hardships that will surely come upon one, will serve as a mirror of one’s refusal to do the necessary inner work.
   When Danielle’s mother encourages her to ‘think only positively’ she also pushes her to ignore the inner self-observation that is so vital for Danielle’s growth. Indeed, through the wallowing in the “negative thinking”, in the self-pity, in the pain of breaking up and in her feeling of despair, Danielle may reveal the deep truth about herself, such as the principle of giving, and will learn to apply it in her next relationship.
   Only by digging in the negative aspects of the personality Danielle can gain the wisdom that will propel her forward in due time towards new adventures in life. Had she focused only in ‘positive thinking’ she would have caused the repression of the “negative” and “bad” thoughts that demand to be known and addressed.
   If not brought forth, Danielle's "dark side" would be buried inside and in time would surely explode, if not during her next relationship then in the one after it. Life cannot be ignored or put aside, and the “darkness” or the “negativity” is definitely a part of our reality.

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In the next chapter, the second reason why, for the long-term, positive thinking is not productive and may even be harmful.

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