PSA: Don't Ignore Abdominal Pain

So let me give you all a PSA on what NOT to do if you have sudden abdominal pain. The following is a play by play of how the last three days of my life went.

Tuesday, 5am: Woke up with severe abdominal pain, felt like gas cramps. Didn't think much of it, considering I had spicy food the night before. Went to the bathroom then back to bed.

Tuesday, 7am: Woke back up for work, still have some abdominal pain, but I figure it will settle down after I have my morning coffee.

Tuesday, 8am: Have my morning coffee, feeling a little better, get to the job site where I'm working with a crew installing a rooftop package unit.

Tuesday, 8:30am: Abdominal pain is getting worse, try to ignore it but I'm getting cold sweats and chills despite it being 75 degrees out and me working on a roof. Figure I'll do a little more work then spend some quality time in the portashitter purging my dinner.

Tuesday, 9:45am: Finally coming to the conclusion something is very wrong. Barely make it down the ladder to start heading over to my boss to tell him I need to head home, as I think I've got a stomach virus.

Tuesday, 10am: Black out for the first time, abdominal pain is increasing, wake up to my boss and co-workers standing over me asking if I need to go to the hospital. Tell them I just need to use the bathroom and get some rest, as it's probably something I ate.

Tuesday, 10:45am: Make it home, barely. I remember climbing out of my truck and starting towards the house, and that's my last coherent memory. Everything else afterwards is based either on my wife's recollection or notes from the hospital staff.

Tuesday, 10:43am: Apparently I called my wife and spewed out some unintelligible nonsense but I did make several words clear, and those were "emergency" and "hospital". Then, according to her, I lost consciousness. She called our retired neighbor to see if I was at home, and him go over and check one, apparently he found me passed out halfway up the stairs on the deck to the house. He immediately called 911.

Tuesday, Time Unknown: Wake up in ambulance in extreme pain. I was seriously convinced these people were trying to steal my kidneys, which is why I hurt so bad. Immediately proceed to start swinging wildly (which in reality was me weakly throwing a few punches before I got strapped down to gurnery. No EMT's or Paramedics were harmed in the making of this debacle.)

Tuesday, 12-1ish: Get processed through ER, in triage. Vaguely aware of what's going on around me. Wife had apparently joined up with me at the hospital at some point as she was discussing things with the nurses. Doctor begins palpating my abdomen, and hits where my appendix is and I immediately jump off the gurney and try to hit him before I pass out. Again. According to my wife, they immediately started a heavy morphine drip and slotted me for the OR.

Tuesday, 5:15pm: Go to pre-op, still in a morphine haze, no idea what's going on around me, all I know is that there's a very attractive redhead in scrubs with a razor shaving down by my nether regions. According to my wife, I looked down at her, then looked at my wife with a stupid smile on my face. She was not amused.

Tuesday, 5:20pm: Anesthesia nurse goes to put mask on, I though they were trying to steal my lungs, and tried to fight them. (Seriously, first they're gonna steal my kidneys, nowy lungs?) Get strapped down to the table for the THIRD time. Get told to count backward from 100 and according to my wife I said "100, 99, those titties sure like fine" before I succumbed to the anesthesia. Again, she was not amused.

Wednesday, 7:30am: According my wife, this was the first time I'd woken since the anesthesia. Still on a morphine drip and in haze. My wife had her feet propped up ony bed so the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was her legs... And apparently I tried running my hand down her legs trying to be seductive. It was also apparently unsuccessful. Pass back out / Fall asleep.

Wednesday, 9:45pm: Wake up, out of the morphine haze, and trying to figure out what the hell just happened to me. Doctors came in and informed me my appendix had burst and they had to do an urgency surgery. Said my wife calling neighbor to check on me may very likely have saved my life. Told me wheny my appendix burst, it flooded my abdominal cavity with all kinds of shit and was very prone to infection, so they had to inflate my abdomen with carbon dioxide and essentially vacuum/pressure wash(?) inside my abdomen. I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but it sounded like some crazy sort of magic they pulled. They put me on an antibiotics and painkiller drip overnight.

Thursday, 8:15am: Wake up to my wife snoring in the chair next to me. As simple as it was, it was very comforting to wake up and see. Fall in and out of sleep for the next 6 hours. Also become aware that I have 3 new holes in my abdomen.

Thursday, 2:40pm: Discharge Time! Get sent home with a book of things I can't do for that 8 weeks. I am also unable to work for 8 weeks. And, they've got me on hydros for the next 4 weeks, so I can't even drive myself anywhere. And the worst part of it all is I did it to myself. Doctors said if I had gone to the ER as soon as it started they probably would have caught it before my appendix ruptured, but I am apparently too stubborn for that.

So, thats my story. If you have several abdominal pains, don't me a dipshit like me and ignore it until it's a true emergency. Suck it up and go to the ER. it's better to be safe then sorry.

Also, props to my wife for sticking my me day and night for the last 3 days, even though I was a pain in the ass.

Cat Tax: Don't have a cat, but I will post a picture of my German Shepherd tomorrow when I get on the computer. She may or may be as much of a dipshit as I am ( probably why we get along so well).