TIPS FOR SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE

TIP FOR SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men (Col. 3:23)."

I have come to the conclusion that a major reason for marriage problems is that married couples often don't know how to create a great marriage. Their information frequently comes from poor parental examples, TV and movies, and the unrealistic expectation that everything will work out naturally simply because they are in love. Most couples getting married are poorly prepared for marriage!

The following suggested keys will help you create a marriage that is rewarding and exciting.

1. Pray together daily if your spouse is willing.

Praying together is the most important thing you can do for your marriage. Invite your spouse to pray, but don't try to force him or her to join you.

“Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain (Psalm 127:1).”

1. Focus on changing yourself.

In the vast majority of marriages, even if just one person follows these guidelines, the marriage will get better. Don't say, "I'll try if my mate tries." And don't focus on your mate's shortcomings. Instead, put your major effort into becoming the best husband or wife you can be.

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, "Let me take the speck out of your eye," when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye” (Matthew 7:3-5).

1. Throw yourself into your marriage.

Don't take your marriage for granted. Do something every day that will bless your spouse and strengthen your marriage.

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men” (Colossians 3:23).

1. Forgive your spouse

Don't let bitterness and resentment grow. Practice forgiveness.

“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13).

1. Serve your spouse willingly.

Ask your mate what is important to him or her, and then put effort into these areas. If your mate won't say what's important, work on the following areas. But remember that people are different, and that your spouse may not match these stereotypes. Work on these areas, but also make it a project to learn what's important to him or her.

“Serve one another in love” (Galatians 5:13).

HUSBANDS: If your wife won't say what's important to her, work on the following areas that women often say are important:

• Discuss your fears, hopes, dreams and other feelings.

• Listen to her and seek to deeply understand her.

• Give her the message that she is precious and special, that you are really glad to be married.

• Be romantic throughout the day in non-sexual ways.

WIVES: If your husband won't say what's important to him, work on the following areas that men often say are important:

• Express respect and admiration.

• Allow him to make mistakes without saying, "I told you so."

• Voice appreciation for things he does.

• Show an enthusiastic interest in sex.

1. Speak lovingly and respectfully.

Your words should build your spouse up, not tear him or her down.

“A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver “(Proverbs 25:11).

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29).

1. Talk together regularly.

Don't just coexist. Have enjoyable talks every day about things that matter to each of you. Also be willing to gently bring up frustrations or issues that bother you.

“Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses” (Proverbs 27:6).

1. Fan the flames of your romance.

Go on dates, have fun together, take short trips and throw yourself into your sexual relationship.

Come, my lover, let us go to the countryside, let us spend the night in the villages. Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates are in bloom--there I will give you my love (Song of Songs 7:11-12).

Personal application

If you are married, choose one or two of the above guidelines to work on in the coming week.

B.** Encourage One Another.**

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing” (1Thess 5:11)

Have you ever known someone who believed in you, someone who frequently spoke words of encouragement and praise? The kind of person who made you feel you could do it, whatever "it" was? That’s the kind of person God wants us to be.

Paul gave a good guideline when he wrote that everything we say should build up the one who is listening. Encouraging words make a difference, Say Encouraging Words Daily.

"The power of life and death is in the tongue" (Proverbs 18:21).

Your words have an impact on the outcome of the career, ministry and other endeavours of your spouse; you can either quicken it or kill it. So, be an encourager!

The following scriptures emphasize the place of encouragement:

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen (Ephesians 4:29).

The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life (Proverbs 10:11).

Judas and Silas, who themselves were prophets, said much to encourage and strengthen the brothers (Acts 15:32).

We sent Timothy, who is our brother and God's fellow worker in spreading the gospel of Christ, to strengthen and encourage you in your faith (1 Thessalonians 3:2).

Therefore encourage each other with these words (1 Thessalonians 4:18).

Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching (Hebrews 10:25).

Even God is an encourager, follow his example.

You hear, O LORD, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry (Psalm 10:17).

For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope (Romans 15:4)

May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus (Romans 15:5).

Think positively. Look for things to encourage.

Do you bring sunshine or gloom into the room? If you are a negative person, don't say, "I'm just a worrier. I was born that way." Or, "It’s my nature to be depressed." God is in the personality-changing business. He wants you to "be conformed to the likeness of his Son" (Romans 8:29).

You can change. You can become known for your encouraging words.

Life is full of problems, and we need to deal with them. But if we aren't careful, all we see are the problems. There are lots of good things we can focus on. Instead of "catching people being bad," catch them being good. Make your words a fountain of life. Be a positive person. Encourage one another.

Ask God to help you develop a positive thought life. Immerse yourself in his Word. Pray. Over time, you will discover that you can control the way you think, choosing to focus on some thoughts and to reject others. The following verse can be life changing. Write it out and post it where you will see it regularly,

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if any-thing is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things (Philippians 4:8).

When you wake up in the morning, ask God to help you look for and focus on the positive. Pray for this attitude throughout the day. Choose to meditate on the positive. Bring sunshine into the world.

Speak positively. Be an encourager:

When you talk, you make a series of choices about what subjects to discuss, what memories to bring up, and what points to make. There are always negative things you could say, but there also are positive ones. Choose the positive. Choose to specialize in encouraging words, not in critical comments. As Paul wrote,

"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification" (Romans 14:19).

Bring friendly speech into your relationships:

Don't start complaining as soon as you see your spouse or child or someone else. Ask about his or her day. Give a compliment. Share stories about your day, insights from Bible study, victories on the job, or other things they may be interested in.

Voice words of encouragement, appreciation, support, and respect.

Acknowledge others' abilities and efforts. If your spouse feels inadequate, encourage him or her.
Monitor your positive and negative remarks.

Learn to be self-aware and listen to what you say. Be sure you make many more positive comments than negative ones.

Respond to problems with hope and encouragement.

When your spouse talks about personal difficulties, do not respond with a "gloom and doom" attitude. Listen with compassion and avoid simplistic advice. Say something such as, "I know this is a tough time for you, but it won't last. Let me encourage you: God will see you through, and I'm here to help, too."

[God] comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God (2 Corinthians 1:4).

And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone (1 Thessalonians 5:14).

Avoid subtle criticisms.

Watch out for subtle ways you may tear others down, such as pointing out how quickly you can mow the lawn when you know it takes them twice as long.

Discuss problems as a friend.

There are times in every relationship—in a family, on the job, or wherever—when people discuss difficult topics. When you do, speak in a courteous, friendly manner. The way you speak usually is more important than whether your opinions are right or wrong.

Personal application : Encouragement will always spice your relationships. It is applicable both to your marriage and other relationships, be it at work, neighborhoods, the larger family or the church. Make it your habit.

End with prayer: Pray for God’s forgiveness if you have been discouraging to your spouse and pray for the grace and consciousness to always be an encourager.

"A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE DOES NOT FALL FROM HEAVEN, PEOPLE MAKE IT WORK"

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